Twisted Logic
by SassyJazz
Summary: What if Trey really HAD raped Marissa that night on the beach? How will it affect Marissa and the one person who can never know the truth?
1. Invasion

**TWISTED LOGIC**

**This is a new story I thought up. It's going to be quite a lot darker than my other stories, and deals with a couple of very serious issues. It is an alternative ending to the end of "The Return of the Nana", and the beginning of my original story. I really hope you like it! I'm pretty excited about writing it! **

**Just a hint: this chapter is really good if you listen to the Sin City trailer theme (Cells – the Servant) hehe! Please enjoy! And review if you like it!**

**Disclaimer: The OC belongs to Josh Schwartz.**

**CHAPTER 1 – INVASION**

She noticed how very cold the warm spring breeze had suddenly become. Bitter trembles spiralled up Marissa's back and her heart began to quiver as Trey took a vicious step closer. Her eyes widened as his muscular body, which was much stronger than hers could ever be, rammed itself into her torso. Her breath jagged.

"Trey… no… okay…no way…n-never…" she struggled, the fear was multiplying in her veins.

What was happening? It was going too fast, he was too close, he was too strong. But still she tried to ward him away. To her horror this made him clench her closer. She suddenly became aware of sharp, unbreakable fingers digging into her back.

"What? What, I'm not good enough for you?" Trey sneered. His eyes were completely fiery. They looked hungry… obsessive… violent… He stabbed into her, knocking some of the wind out of her lungs. She felt so light, and yet so heavy as he continued to barge against her.

"No, no I don't mean it like that, okay, I…" she sobbed helplessly, but with every escape of her voice he became all the more aggressive, "just…let go!"

"What? Here I am and Ryan gets all the fucking good life!" he growled as his claws pierced into her skin, and throbbing pain evolved. Marissa felt so claustrophobic. She whimpered helplessly trying with might to escape. But all she was met with was savage endlessness.

"Here I am!" and he scraped his mouth against hers. She felt his tongue burst through her lips. She nearly gagged at the choking toxic taste of tobacco and alcohol. His slightly unshaven chin scratched across her cheek. Panic-stricken, she struggled desperately, tears threatening to explode from her eyes. Trey rammed and charged at her, sending her falling backwards into the sanded floor. Her head smacked against the ground, followed by instant dizziness. The remaining air in her lungs fled and she was utterly winded as his immense body mass impacted mercilessly into her. She felt herself being pressed further into the sand.

"Please… _get off_...!" she wheezed, her eyes irrupted with salty tears, "_get_…"

Despite the pain, Marissa continued to fight. _Do anything. Just get him away!_ Her worst fears were being realised when she felt his hand grope at her jeans. Pinning her down fiercely and the horror spilling down her face, Marissa was helpless as he pulled them down below her hips. Next, she felt his hand back at the material of her underwear, while his second hand was at her chest, his nails scratching. She was at the point of utter torment. Time was running out, but the harder she fought, the weaker she became and the harder he attacked. She let out a frantic scream. He had moved her underwear down her hips now. Her heart pounded so hard she thought it might shatter her ribcage.

Another frantic scream…

And then blinding, unspeakable, phenomenal pain. It was unlike anything she'd ever felt. She screamed again, this time in utter excruciation as he grinded himself into her. Marissa smashed her flailing arms into his chest, doing anything she could to end the ordeal. The pain stabbed through her still and she twisted her head around, scanning feverishly for something… _anything_!

And to her absolute relief she saw a large dead branch to her right. She lurched for the branch but couldn't reach it at her first. She tried again and felt a muscle pull in her shoulder as she felt the weapon in the tips of her fingers. At last she had a clean grasp on it. With an almighty surge of strength she smashed the branch upon his face. He yelled in agony and rolled over, holding his hands over the new bloody wound.

She was free.

As fast as she could she pulled up her underwear and jeans and made a run for it. She screamed once more as he tugged again at her chest at a final effort to keep her. She winced at the pain of nails grating into her skin. But with a second blow to the chest with the branch, Trey finally desisted. Tears streaming down her cheeks, she got up. Clutching her aching chest, she gave a final glance back, and then ran for her life away from the beach and away from him.

**X**

Marissa's house was almost a full mile away and every inch on her body throbbed uncontrollably. But still she ran as fast as she could. She could hardly make out where she was going as recurring tears continued to haze her vision. Her heart pounded viciously. Sand was trapped everywhere over her body, and continued to sprinkle off with ever stride. She hardly noticed her tiring legs, and her shortening breath. Finally she saw the familiar lights of her house. Even when she reached the front door and burst through the entrance, she did not stop running. She ran through the hall and avoided her mother's hello, pounded up the stairs barged into her room, and slammed the cedar door shut so hard the sturdy concrete walls seemed to rattle.

Panting hysterically from fear and exhaustion, Marissa stood frozen in her room, which now seemed like a strange, ghostly forest. Her body shivered, the tears kept flooding from her eyes, the pain swelled. She was so cold… and yet so hot. Her mind was a mess with thoughts and terrifying realisations. She breathed chronically as the thoughts melded into broken sentences.

…_He raped me…_

…_I trusted him and he just…_

…_I was only trying to help him but…_

…_He raped me…_

…_What am I going to do if…_

…_I have to tell…_

…_He raped me…_

…_Ryan… he'll…_

…_Why did he do this to…_

…_He… _raped…_ me…_

Indescribable nausea overcame her. She thought her insides were about to explode. Quickly and blindly she ran into the ensuite to the toilet just in time. Marissa collapsed at the bowl as a quiver rippled through her body and heaved violently. When the sickness had stopped she remained sprawled across the floor of the bathroom.

Still panting wildly, her body lost its numbness and the full effect of the attack punched at her body. Her hands trembled as Marissa gingerly lifted her top to reveal her stomach. A large green bruise forming above the naval where Trey's body had tumbled on top over her. She then surveyed her right shoulder and winced as the pulled muscle stretched and throbbed. Next, she pulled off her shoes and stumbled to her feet. Her legs were like jelly as she made her way into the main of her room to the mirror. Her heart raced. She looked at herself for a moment. Her face was smeared with black eye make-up, tears and saliva. Her bottom lip was slightly cut, and her once beautiful clear eyes were violently red. Nervously, she undid her white sweater and slipped her top over her head and threw it limply to the ground. She gasped when she saw the damage on her chest. Deep black and purple bruises were forming where Trey's knife-like fingers had ripped at the skin. Traces of blood were evident in some places. Finally, and with utter disbelief across her face she lowered her sights at her jeans. The agony still remained and throbbed unstoppably. Her weak legs felt like they were about to give way.

She was so shocked, so broken, so lost. She wrapped her arms around her and backed into the wall. When she felt the smooth timber at her back, she buckled and her body came falling to floor. She sat there, not moving, not blinking for what seemed an eternity. Never in her whole life had she needed Ryan by her side as much as she did then. Then he would be able to hold her, and take away this hurt, he could heal her… or at least try.

But then she remembered…

Trey was Ryan's brother. Their relationship was already so marred. If she told him the truth, what would he do? He'd kill him, Marissa realised as tears trickled again from her eyes. Ryan would kill him. And if he did… it would be her fault.

She understood at that moment. Ryan could never know. And she was utterly alone.

She wiped the endless wetness from her eyes. She needed release. She needed something. She crawled over to her bed and felt for the box she kept under it. She opened the lid to reveal the untouched Vodka bottle. She picked it up and unscrewed the top. She was about to take a sip when she realised that alcohol wasn't going to work. Not this time. It wasn't strong enough. This time around, it wasn't her boyfriend cheating on her, it wasn't stealing a watch from a department store… it wasn't even her soulmate going home to Chino to raise a child.

It was rape. A violation… an invasion.

Shaking, and still in her bra, she placed the cap back on the still-undrunk bottle and returned it to its pouch in the box. Then, with a considerable amount of effort, she staggered to her feet and made her way back into the bathroom. She took a moment to steady her trembling hand, and then she reached into the cabinet and took out her shaving razor. Slowly she unhooked the blade and then held it up to her face, staring at it intently, nervousness streaming up and down her veins.

She lifted her arm to the sharpest corner of the blade and punctured it through her skin. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back. Despite the slight extra pain, Marissa felt the immense nightmare and its scars lift from her body.

It was almost like freedom… beautiful, blissful freedom. And Marissa felt at peace at last as drops of scarlet blood fell to the floor.

**Was it ok? I'm sorry if it's a little heavy going, but a story's gotta start somewhere right? Thanks again!**


	2. In Blood Stepp'd So Far

**Thanks for all the great reviews! It's really appreciated!**

**I just thought I'd clear something up, my computer has really been playing up lately so I wasn't sure if the story was sending, so I deleted it a couple of times. I was pretty embarrassed to realise that it had worked every time! lol! so sorry if you've seen it several times, it was my fault totally, but not intentially! my computer is back to working now so its all good :) so i just wanted to clear that up!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own it.**

**CHAPTER 2 – IN BLOOD STEPP'D SO FAR**

"Marissa? Are you awake?"

Inside, the lights were off, the blinds were drawn, everything was still, but Marissa was by no means asleep. She lay there limply on top of the still-made sheets, her eyes wide with fear, constantly glazed with a film of tears. She was still in her bra and jeans, and a slight chill harassed her, but she really couldn't care less. Her face itched when she moved her mouth as dried tears, make-up and blood stretched and tickled at the dry skin. She had remained lying there for hours and hours. Not moving. Not sleeping. Hardly blinking. Anyone would have thought she'd died with her eyes open. Marissa figured that was the word that summed her up right now – dead.

"Honey?" Julie's incessant high-pitched voice leaked through the closed cedar door once more. She tapped when no response came for the second time, "It's nine in the morning."

The untimely mixture of knocking and her mother's tone jammed at her head, making it ache mildly. From Julie's side of the door there was girl who was taking advantage of sleeping in while school was still out. But from Marissa's side of the door, there was a girl whose body still throbbed from scattered bruises all over her body. There was a girl who only the day before had finally regained the happiness that she had been missing for nearly a year, only to have that taken away from her just as fast. Now she was lost again, but this time lost so far that nobody could lend their hand to help her up. This was it – this was rock bottom in a way she'd never known it.

For the third time, Julie Cooper spoke through the door, "Up, sweetie! Come downstairs."

Finally Marissa turned her head to the locked door. She didn't know if she could handle to face _anyone_ again, let alone her Mom. She was the last person she wanted to speak to… well… perhaps the second last person. Marissa felt her bones rattle at the mere thought of His name. She swallowed away the suffocating bulge in her throat.

"Sure, Mom," she winced, "…there in the minute."

Relieved at the sound of her mother's high-heeled stilettos fading away down the stairs, Marissa lifelessly staggered up from her resting position. Leaving behind the deep groove her body had made in the sheets, she was instantly plagued with dizziness. It took her a moment to steady herself before she devoted any means of strength to walking.

She immediately regretted opening the blinds when shoots of piercing Californian sunlight stabbed into her bagged, unslept eyes. Innately she held her hand up to shade them as she looked out over the balcony. She cursed at the world. It just looked so… so… _perfect_. The sky was brightly turquoise with plump white clouds dotted all around. Tropical trees danced lightly as they were manipulated by the refreshing Spring breeze. The ocean glistened, its beautifully pleated surface flowing towards the shore, soon to become the crescent-shaped waves that crashed into the golden sand. She could already make-out the figures of bikini-clad girls making the most of the warm morning whether.

It just felt so wrong. She was living amidst this world, this nature, these people, who just… just had no clue, no idea. She was hardly surprised when she felt a fallen tear slide into the curl of her mouth. After ten hours of it she was now used to the taste of salt at her lips. She pulled her hand down from her eyes but froze when she saw the red marks on the back of her wrist. She lost her breath and held them both up. There were three slits of dried blood on the left hand and two on the right. When the breath returned it was laboured and heavy. The faint stinging sensation was but another wrenching reminder of how far she had fallen this time. Mentally, she promised herself that she would never do it again. It wasn't worth the extra pain. What had been done was done.

Ignoring the mirror, which reflected a green stomach and a blackened chest topped off with smeared make-up and insomnia-strained eyes, Marissa slid off her jeans and slipped on her pink sweatpants. After washing her face clear of blackness, she rummaged through her draw to find her winter clothes. Marissa thought she was done with long-sleeved shirts for the year, but she needed something to cover up her wrists. When she was dressed she rubbed some concealer over the black marks under her eyes, followed by a light appliance of mascara. Finally, she painted some chestnut-coloured gloss onto her lips to cover up the swollen bottom lip. She tried to shrug off the throbbing in her pulled shoulder as she fixed her hair into a lose pony-tail.

When she was ready, she stood back and surveyed herself through the mirror. She sighed gravely.

Marissa Cooper looked… _perfect_.

**X**

"Honey!" Julie Cooper sang across the kitchen, "Did you sleep alri- Honey, a sweater in _Spring?_"

She raised her head from the burning stove. Ever since Marissa had decided to move back home, her Mom had been smothering her with love; cooking her breakfast, buying her clothes, she even appeared to make an effort with Ryan. Marissa, after all, was still frigid around her mother, but slowly, she had to admit to herself, the relationship was beginning to mend. Nevertheless, the strong fragrance of frying food made her stomach take a sickly nauseating turn.

"Oh! You know me, Mom!" Marissa said almost too cheerily, "I get cold the year round."

Julie raised an eyebrow and didn't look quite convinced. But the look passed as soon as it had come and she was soon changing the subject.

"Well, I made your favourite! – my specialty pancakes with maple syr-"

-"Uh, you know what? I'm not really all that hungry," Marissa interrupted hastily. She'd been there two seconds and already the act was near impossible to keep up. She honestly thought the taste of food would make her throw up and was determined not to take a single bite. All she wanted was to go and hide in her room forever.

Her mom looked at her quizzically, "You're not? But you always eat you're main meal in the morning. Are you feeling okay, sweetie?" She took a step forward to feel her daughter's forehead. Nervously, Marissa took a step back. She didn't want to be touched.

"I'm fine, really, I just, just…"

"Is it after last night?" Julie asked looking her in the eye.

Marissa's heart slammed to her ribs. The blood fled from her head. The faint pain in her bruises seemed to amplify. Her eyes were wide with horror. "L-last night?"

Julie rolled her eyes, "Honey! You came home crying last night and locked yourself in your room. Half of Newport felt the earthquake you caused when you slammed your door."

Marissa felt weak; the emotion was at breaking point.

"Was it a fight with Ryan?" Marissa's blood pressure immediately lowered and inwardly she breathed the longest sigh of relief she'd ever made. She looked at Julie as her expression softened. Her mom looked sympathetic, but the gleam of hopefulness was evident behind her eyes. Julie would never really accept Ryan.

Nevertheless, Julie didn't know Ryan was actually in Miami and Marissa took advantage of her mother's assumptions. "Uh… yeah. We, uh, we did." It was all she could muster. Her mother refrained from comment, so she continued, "So if you don't mind I'm just going to go back to my room and do some reading. We're reading "Macbeth" next quarter so I might get a head start."

Julie shrugged off Marissa's sudden interest in schoolwork in Spring Break, "Well, if you insist, honey. Well, I'm off now as well. I thought I'd head down to see Caitlin today and surprise her. She's been having a few friend issues so I thought a visit from me might cheer her up."

Marissa bowed her head and nodded, trying to hide her hazing eyes from her mother. On a normal day, she would have been more than eager to visit her little sister. But now she felt so broken and so heavy. She didn't think she could handle it. "Okay, well say hi to her from me, okay?" she said barely audibly.

Minutes later, Marissa watched as her Mom's Mercedes pulled out of the drive and rolled away down the road. She checked the time. It was only a quarter-to-ten. Gingerly, she turned from the balcony and went to lie on the bed.

In the eerie silence that filled the oversized mansion, Marissa suddenly began to hear things she'd never heard before…

The tap in her mom's ensuite wasn't turned off properly and the rhythm of dripping water echoed through the halls…

Her bedroom clock went at its own beat, a constant click that but increased in volume in her ears…

The breeze blew through the French doors of the balcony and rattled some loose sheets of paper on Marissa's desk...

The half-open cedar door creaked…

She could hear the drumming of the crashing waves…

…the chill of wind…

…could smell the scent of salt…

…and of sand…

…and of… _tobacco_?

…"_Here I am and Ryan gets all the fucking good life!"…_

… "_Get off!"…_

… "_What? I'm not good enough for you?" …_

… "_Let go!"…_

… "_Please!" …_

…"_Here I am! ..."_

… "_No!" …_

Marissa snapped her eyes open screamed her lungs out and bolted upright. She was panting and shaking uncontrollably. The hair around her face was saturated with sweat and more of it slid down her face. Burning tears were flooding down from her eyes. She was lost in a state of complete hyperventilation. Her pulse was vibrating like electricity.

She turned her eyes to the clock. It was just before one. She was so out of it she hardly noticed the shadow that was cast outside her bedroom door.

A knock at the door caught Marissa's attention. She saw him standing there, with a deep gash on the side of his forehead, and she thought she was about to cripple to the floor. She leapt off bed, ignoring the violent stabs of pain that shot from her body and she gave Trey the death stare of his life.

"_Get the fuck out of my house!"_ she bawled.

To her terror, instead of leaving, he stepped in a step closer.

"I came to apologise," Trey said nervously, and soon he was stringing his words together like a maniac, "I was stoned… drunk, I was completely out of it! I never meant to hur-"

"_Get out!"_ Marissa screamed again, _"How the hell did you get in here anyway?"_

"The front door was open."

Marissa inwardly cursed her mother for not locking the door. Trey took another step closer and her heart pounded even harder.

"I didn't… I mean, I don't really remember it all…"

"_Yeah? Well I do!"_

"I hope… you know… I hope I didn't-"

"_You did!"_

Trey had tears in his eyes. There was utter silence in the room, save Marissa's unrelenting sobs. Finally he lifted his eyes to her and mumbled, "Whatever you do, you can't tell Ryan."

Forgetting her earlier promise to herself Marissa burst, "And what if I do?"

"You wouldn't," Trey said in a solid voice.

An unbearable mixture of panic and hatred overcame her, "And how the hell do you know that?" she spat venomously.

Trey took a third step closer. His look was sickening and he spoke in a barely audible voice, "Because it would hurt him more than it would hurt me."

At that Trey turned to leave. Marissa felt like she was about to detonate. He then turned back to her, his expression now defeated and dark, "I'm Sorry."

Marissa waited until he heard the click of the front door before she ran into the bathroom. The nausea had returned and she made it to the toilet just in time.

She was totally and utterly out of her mind and when the sickness had gone she made no hesitation. She raced blindly to the cabinet, slid her sleeve up her arm, snatched up the razor blade and it stabbed into her wrist. Blood was falling everywhere… but it felt so good! Marissa's panting eased and finally she was able to soak up the oxygen more freely. So lost in her release, she jumped out of her skin when her bedroom phone chorused.

Her heart stopped and she carelessly dropped the blade and stepped into her room. Blood trickling down her arm, she stared at the phone as if it was a foreign object. Timidly she ambled to the receiver. Her fingers stroked the smooth plastic and finally she gathered the strength to answer. She held the phone to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey it's Ryan! I'm home."


	3. Falling to Pieces

**Wow! Guys seriously thanks so much for the outstanding feedback! I honestly didn't think it would get this much support! I want to thank particularly two people: I-Believe-In-The-Butterflies – Omg, thanks so much! You have always been so supportive of my writing. I really, really appreciate knowing that someone is interested in what I have to say. Right from "After the Deluge" you reviewed. So thanks so much! You rock! Secondly to xGoingUnderx – thanks so much for the meaty reviews! I really mellow to the fact that someone can right 200 words on my work! It's really great so thanks so much!**

**Okay, sorry for the mush, but I felt that I should say something. On with the story shall we? I thought I might mention: assume that Seth and Summer are still together and Seth wasn't a bum in Miami. This chapter focuses on Marissa's deteriorating state, and introduces the effect it's beginning to have on the people she loves. I hope it's ok! Thanks again! I'll stop blabbing now! Hehe!**

**Disclaimer – I don't own the OC.**

Ryan cocked his eyebrow when no reply came from the other end. He stood there in the poolhouse, his cell phone to his ear. He'd tried contacting Marissa on hers but the line wasn't connecting. It was weird, Marissa treated that cell like the Bible. It wasn't like her not answer, let alone for it to be out of range. Must be a perfectly valid reason, he thought.

He was so happy to be home again. Miami had been fun, but Sandy's issue with The Nana had definitely put a dampener on the mood. His foster dad had been somewhat sombre during the flight home and Ryan knew all too well what it felt like to have to deal with prying people when all you wanted to do was think in your own private world.

Not only that, but he was also looking forward to spending the rest of the vacation with Marissa. He had naturally felt slightly guilty about leaving her on only the first weekend of them being back together. They'd waited so long to be with each other and he was determined to make it work this time, no matter what got in the way. So much shit had happened this year. They'd both made mistakes, and Ryan couldn't help but wonder how things might have played out if only he hadn't returned to Chino last summer. He'd sighed sorrowfully on many an occasion, remembering the look on Marissa's face when they'd shared their final moments together at her Mom's wedding. He was often haunted in his dreams remembering how she'd told him she loved him. She'd clung to him like a child, crying into his shoulder, not ever wanting to let go. And yet, he hadn't answered her. If only…

But now, it seemed, those open wounds of last summer were finally beginning to mend, and he thought of Seth and laughed. Maybe the Fantastic Four _would_ be fantastic again.

After all… nothing was in the way anymore…

"You there, 'Riss?" he spoke into the phone and laughed slightly.

Finally the voice on the other end of the line replied, "…_what? Oh, hey! H-how are you going? How was Miami?"_ Marissa asked. Ryan noted she sounded awfully hassled for some reason. She sounded out of breath or something. But then Ryan thought that she and Summer must have had another cardio session with the Workout Tapes, and he quickly brushed away his slight worry.

"Yeah, it was good," Ryan said cheerily, "It was nice to see The Nana again, and yeah, it was fun."

"_Oh… that's great!"_ she sounded restrained… like she was making an effort not say much… There came a silence before Ryan spoke again.

"So! How was _your_ weekend? Did Trey manage to find a job?" he was genuinely happy for his big brother. He'd screwed up so much in his life. Mostly it was because their Mom was always so gone - either drunk or doped up – that she was unemployable. In the Chino Days, Trey did everything he could to come up with the doe to pay the bills and would use Ryan as his guinea-pig. Eight years of stealing, cheating and needle-pushing had finally came back to haunt him when he'd been thrown in jail. But now, Chino was behind _both_ of them and Trey was given the same second chance Ryan had been given.

The Atwood Pool of Luck was finally turning tables, and after all these years, Ryan felt he was nearly ready to forgive…

But for a moment that seemed to stretch longer than the usual second, Marissa said nothing at all.

"_M-my weekend? Uh, yeah, it was good. Yep… _Trey…_ got a gig at the Bait Shop. He's uh – really excited about it." _Ryan could have sworn he heard Marissa give a small whimper. Her breath sounded as if it was breaking, like she was trying hard not to cry.

"Are you okay?" Ryan asked at last, "You sound… a little stressed."

"_Huh? Oh yeah! I'm fine!"_ then she gave a short giggle, _"I just, uh, I stumped my toe in the door and it's _killing _me!"_ her voice shuddered a second time.

"Ouch. I hate it when that happens," he replied, relieved. "So did you guys have a little celebration or something?"

"Celebration_?" _Marissa's voice seemed to rise half-an-octave, _"Oh! Yes, I made him sit through "_The Notebook"_." _

Ryan groaned and shook his head lovingly, "Oh crap, not that one! I think you woke me up about four times in that one. I think it was nearly worse than _"A Walk to Remember"_!"

"_Yeah… well…"_ Ryan thought she was about to say something more, but then she desisted. There was another suspended pause.

"_Uh… you know… I really oughta go now. I'm – uh - going over to Summer's soon so..."_

Ryan's heart fell slightly and he was disappointed, "Oh. I was about to come over and see you."

"_Oh? Well, uh, then we'll have to organise a time." _Marissa replied slowly… like she was reluctant in the first place… but again, Ryan ignored his girlfriend's peculiar behaviour.

"Umm, well how about tonight then?" Ryan checked the current time - a-quarter-to-two, "Dinner at seven? I'll drive"

For the third or fourth time Marissa seemed to heave back a sob until she answered, _"O-okay. Sure thing." _Another silence._ "Well, I'll see you tonight then."_

Ryan frowned, unsure why Marissa was being so reserved all of a sudden. Must have hit her toe hard, he thought, "Okay, bye then. I love you."

Another pause.

"…_love you too."_ And Marissa hung up.

Ryan stood in the poolhouse, still holding the phone to his ear. He couldn't help but feel that something wasn't quite right. He tried to tell himself that she was probably just busy… but, something inside was telling him differently…

Oh well, he thought. Talking over the phone without seeing her face was hardly something to go by. He'd see her that night and he wouldn't have to worry again… he hoped…

**X**

Marissa thought she was about to drop the phone when she heard Ryan's voice on the other end of the line. A new bout of painful sobs jabbed into her throat and more tears immediately rimmed her eyes. Her wrists burned with stinging pain and she hadn't had time to wipe the new wounds. Hot scarlet blood seeped from the slits.

She was so shocked of what to do that she didn't know what to say to him. She simply stood there, her head spinning uncontrollably, the emotion and pain about ready to explode her broken shaking body.

"_You there, 'Riss?" _Ryan asked kindly with a laugh.

Finally she forced herself out of her blistering reverie and replied. It took her every muscle keep her voice as normal as possible.

"…what? Oh, hey! H-how are you going? How was Miami?" she figured if she asked a question she wouldn't have to talk as much.

There was a slight pause from Ryan before he returned, _"Yeah, it was good. It was nice to see the Nana again, and yeah, it was fun."_

Her heart was beating at an incredible speed. She began to feel sick in the stomach, but still she spoke, "Oh… that's great!" It was all she could manage.

She peered down at her wrists. Her hands were streaked with blood and the skin around the wounds was beginning to itch, almost beyond endurance.

"_So! How was _your_ weekend?" _Marissa cursed at herself. It sounded as if Ryan was growing suspicious. Then he asked the question Marissa had been dreading like she was dreading her own death:

"_Did Trey manage to find a job?"_

Her whole body went numb at the mention of the name. Her mind seemed to turn to stone. She was paralysed and the lump began to scrape against her throat. For a moment all she felt were the hot blinding tears running freely from her eyes. But she needed to say something… _anything!_ She needed to keep him convinced.

"M-my weekend? Uh, yeah, it was good. Yep…" she began to tremble. Suddenly, the numbness wore off and the pain returned in her body, but this time more painful than she ever remembered it. "_Trey_…" despite her efforts, a weak whimper escaped her voice. Then she felt a shudder ripple up her spine, but she needed to keep going "…got a gig at the Bait Shop. He's uh – really excited about it." the words sickened her to the pits of her stomach.

There was a pause from Ryan's side of the line and Marissa got all the more worried.

And then came those three words she was dreading to hear: _"Are you okay?"_

Her heart sank even deeper.

"_You sound… a little stressed."_

Marissa racked her brains for a plausible excuse. Her veins tied in suffocating knots.

"Huh? Oh yeah! I'm fine!" she gave what he thought was a small laugh, "I just, uh, I stumped my toe in the door and it's _killing_ me!" This was pathetic! He would never buy that! Nice going! And her breath trembled. Ryan _must_ have heard that, she cursed herself again.

But to her absolute relief, Ryan believed her… or seemed to at least, _"Ouch. I hate it when that happens. So did you guys have a little celebration or something?"_

The word struck at her painfully. "_Celebration_?" and like that, the memories had returned. Fresh and more terrifying than her recent nightmare, more tears bled from her eyes when she remembered the traumatic ordeal. The act was near-impossible to keep up. She needed to get out of it soon, or things could go very wrong.

Quickly she spoke again, "Oh! Yes, I made him sit through _"The Notebook"_."

She heard Ryan groan before he replied jokingly, _"Oh crap, not that one! I think you woke me up about four times in that one. I think it was nearly worse than _"A Walk to Remember"_!"_

"Yeah… well…" it was all she could muster, as the sadness was so strong. She envied Ryan so much. He sounded so happy. He was so caring, so loving. More than anything she just wished she could tell him. He didn't deserve this. The silent tears rolled down her cheeks. The more she talked with him, the more she understood how very alone she was. Oh, if only…

She couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't keep doing this to him.

"Uh… you know… I really oughta go now. I'm – uh - going over to Summer's soon so..." the lie made her feel ill, but it was nothing to what else she was going through.

"_Oh. I was about to come over and see you."_ Ryan sounded disappoint and this made her weep more. More than anything she wanted the same. But she just couldn't…

"Oh? Well, uh, then we'll have to organise a time." She didn't know what else to say. But she immediately regretted saying it.

"_Umm, well how about tonight then? Dinner at seven? I'll drive"_

What should she say? If she said 'yes', she'd have to endure all this again, she would have to tell so many lies. She would have to pretend. But she said 'no' he would get all the more suspicious. Her head raced.

"O-okay. Sure thing." She paused to allow the falling tears consume her for just a moment. "Well, I'll see you tonight then."

"_Okay, bye then._ _I love you."_

She couldn't see anymore. The salty tears were so heavy. She sunk deeper into the choking darkness.

"…Love you too" she'd never meant it, and yet regretted it, so strongly at the same time. The words were nearly impossible to mutter.

And finally she placed the phone back to the cradle. She collapsed to the ground and cried gut-fully. She dropped her head into her hands and felt the temped wetness of her tears leak through her fingers. When she rose, the air stung her eyes.

She looked at her wrists. They were bloodsoaked, but now the pain was gone and all she felt was the slight calming sensation.

She was losing it. She knew it in her heart but she couldn't stop. How the hell was she going to face him? Everything was just… falling to pieces.

She stumbled to her feet, ignoring the protesting pain that spiralled from her torso. She walked slowly into the bathroom and closed the door and locked it.

She may as well finish what she started.

**Okay, thanks for reading! Hope it was ok!**


	4. Silent Irony

**Thanks again for the great feedback! As always, it's very much appreciated! Okay, well I am so so SO excited about writing this story. When I first started out I had an idea of how I wanted this fic to go, but there were certainly lots of grey areas. But over the week, I've been able to have a good old think about it and I have it now all in my head. I'm _hoping_… its going to be one hell of a climax! Hehe! But you'll just have to keep reading! Hehe! And in response to xGoingUnderx, Seth and Summer will DEFINITELY be in this fic, in fact one of them will play an important role in the coming chapters so hold tight! Hehe! **

**So enough from me! On with the story shall we? Please review! Thanks so much once again! Love Hannah**

**Disclaimer: the OC is not mine and never will be sighs sadly**

**CHAPTER 4: SILENT IRONY**

Ryan took out the last of his shirts from his suitcase and stacked them back into the cream shelves that stood by the walls of his beloved poolhouse. It had been just a couple of hours since he had called Marissa, but ever since he'd put the phone down something had been nagging at him. It wasn't a strong nag, but it was one of those nags that just vibrated against you and no matter what you did, it wouldn't relent.

He couldn't quite understand it. Marissa had been so odd on the phone. She'd been dismissive, and he'd noted that she was very anxious about something. She'd sounded reluctant to talk at all and seemed somewhat relieved to say goodbye.

But the thing that had stayed with him the most was the way she had hesitated to say "I love you" back to him. In the past she had always been the first one to say it, and she always said it with such meaning. Usually when she said it to him, the blood would pump in his heart and he'd feel so warm and electric. There simply was no better feeling in the world than having someone say it to you, and knowing you could return it.

But nothing in Marissa's words had nourished him this time. He hadn't been left feeling warm or reassured, but cold and vexed. And he'd never felt that from her before.

Still, no matter what may have been nudging at his insides all afternoon, Ryan was determined and convinced that he was worrying over absolutely nothing. There were a million and one reasons why Marissa had sounded the way she did, and they were all perfectly logical and plausible ones. After all, it _had _been noon on a vacation day, and it probably hadn't been the most ideal time to call _anyone_.

Nothing was wrong, everything was fine, he and Marissa were together again (as they should be), he was happy, she was happy, and now they'd be able to make up for all the lost time. Ryan had repeated this in his mind so many times that the nags were beginning to wear off… well almost.

Even if Ryan _was_ feeling at a little unease, he was immediately humbled when he thought about the other important person in his life at the moment. He was absolutely thrilled that Trey had landed a job at the Bait Shop. Everything was finally going right for him. Sure, there had been several speed-bumps since his release from jail, but now Ryan had the feeling that there was nothing but flat road ahead. Now Trey had a job, a nice place to live, was close to family… now all he might need or want was… a girlfriend maybe?

At the thought Ryan managed to chuckle slightly. It was just funny, he thought. All this had happened to another Atwood not very long ago. Yeah… a girlfriend would be the cherry on top of the cake…

These thoughts reminded Ryan that he still hadn't called Trey to congratulate him. He placed the now-empty suitcase back on top of the shelf before heading back over his bedside table to the phone. He picked it up and dialled Trey's number. The other line rang four times before the answer machine chimed in.

"_Trey Atwood. Please leave a message."_

As the recording played, Ryan was slightly disappointed. He'd been hoping to talk with his brother and ask him about how _his _weekend was. He sighed in defeat as the beep buzzed over the phone.

"Hey man, it's Ryan. Um, listen, when you get in give me a call back, or somethin'. Good job on the gig at the Bait Shop! Okay, well, uh I'll see ya then. Bye."

After placing the phone back to the cradle, Ryan whipped away the slight perspiration that had amounted at his forehead and blew out. This was hot weather they were having, even in spring and by Californian standards. He pealed his shirt off, revealing his wife-beater.

Winter was definitely over, he thought to himself. Even _Marissa_ couldn't possibly be cold in this heat…

**X**

Marissa blinked her exhausted eyes open and raised her head from the pocket she'd made from her crossed arms. She was still on the bathroom floor, where she'd remained ever since Ryan's phone call. She felt like someone had thrown a bag of bricks through her intestines. Everything ached; her legs, her chest, her stomach, even the freckles on her cheeks seemed to sting. Her face was drenched in sweat and tears. Faint nausea throbbed up and down her insides. Unbelievable hunger punched at her, but the mere thought of eating food made her feel worse. Not even water seemed desirable.

She bowed her head again and let a further flow of tears bleed out of her eyes. She was so weighed down with sadness, terror and guilt that it pained her to even move. She simply didn't have the physical strength to move. Her mind was racing at such a pace that everything was now murky and slashed up in an immense mess of nothingness.

Still shaking, for the hundredth time that afternoon, Marissa gingerly held out her wrists. No matter how many times she saw them, the same agony stuck at her every time when she saw the damage she had inflicted on herself. Eight scratches now appeared on her left arm, and five on her right. Raw redness surrounded each wound and they itched uncontrollably. She grated her fingernails against them, trying to scratch out the irritation, but it only made it worse.

She hated herself so much! Why was she doing this! Sure, at the time it felt nice, but coming down was almost twice as bad as the pain she felt before. She groaned bitterly and ran her fingernails through her greasy, unkempt hair.

As much as it weighed down on her, all Marissa wanted to do was stay there forever. She didn't know how on earth she was going to survive tonight. How was she ever going to get by Ryan feeling and looking like this? Finally however, she convinced herself against her thoughts and forced herself into a standing position. Her legs quivered at the weight at first, until she was able to stumble into the bedroom.

The first thing she noticed was that it was getting dark outside. How long _had _she been sitting in there? She turned her eyes to her clock.

"_Shit!"_ Marissa gasped at the time. It was already a-quarter-past-six! Ryan would be here in under an hour and she wasn't even fit for a trip to the grocery store. Suddenly, filled with a burst of adrenaline, Marissa went into gear to be ready for seven.

**X**

The front doorbell chorused at seven-o-three, to be exact. Fatigued, Marissa checked herself over one last time in the mirror. She was utterly exhausted from the struggle to be dressed in time. But as she looked at herself, ensuring that every last scar and bruise was covered up by clothing and make-up, Marissa almost had herself convinced, though inside she felt as if an astroid had exploded. It took her every muscle to keep her hands steady from shaking, or her eyes from erupting with salty tears.

Grabbing her purse Marissa exited her room for only the second time that entire day. The fresh air struck at her abruptly and she coughed. She checked that her mother was still not home before making the arduous and painful journey down the stairs to the front door.

"Hey!" she said in what she hoped was a bright and normal voice.

Ryan was caught unawares for a moment after as he studied the girl who stood in front of him. Something wasn't… right. True, she looked absolutely stunning. Her hair cascaded in waves down her back, she wore a beautiful emerald green dress that stopped just above her knees and she had a purple shade of shadow over her eyelids. But still… something jabbed at Ryan immediately at the sight of her. Her face was ghostly pale, even with her rosy-coloured blush, and her eyes didn't behold their usual soft, sincere gaze. Instead they were wide and held an element of fear.

Marissa's heart gave a violent thump. "What is it?" she asked casually, and she added a giggle.

Ryan suddenly realised he hadn't said anything yet. He smiled at her, "You look beautiful."

Marissa breathed a long-held sigh of relief, which quickly dispatched when Ryan took a step forward. He took her hand in one of his, wrapped his second arm around her waist and drew her in for a kiss. Their lips met for what seemed like an eternity. Marissa's insides tensed, hating the feeling of being touched by someone else and she yearned for release, but didn't dare say a word.

Ryan felt Marissa's entire body ripple at his touch. He pulled away from her and looked at her, searching through her face. He was instantly confused, but after a moment Marissa's face brightened up again and she gave him one her contagious smiles. He once again brushed away his unnerving feelings.

"Ready to head off?" he asked and he smiled back.

He took note of a definite draw of breath from Marissa before her reply, "Sure am!"

As they walked towards the car, Ryan noticed the white sweater Marissa was wearing over her garment. Even though the temperature had dropped for the night, it was still considerably warm.

Ryan pointed to the sweater, "Aren't you a little hot?" he chuckled.

Innately, Marissa drew the sleeves further over her wrists, terrified, "Yeah… well," she managed a smile at least.

Ryan shook his head. He would never get her thing with the cold, but that wasn't what confused him...

A while later, Ryan and Marissa were seated at the beach-side restaurant that Ryan had suggested. The more the night drew on, the harder the nags Ryan had been feeling all day minced at his veins. He took in Marissa's profile, which had increasingly deteriorated throughout the night. He looked down at her plate as she played around with her untouched pizza slice with her unused fork.

Marissa stared at the piece of food before her, trying to pep herself into taking just one small bite. Her stomach said yes, but her mind, and her throat, protested violently. The nausea crept in just considering the pizza's taste in her mouth. The night had gone horribly so far. They'd hardly spoken… well _she'd_ hardly spoken. Ryan was the one doing all the talking. She was trying to be herself, but it was impossible. It was too hard. She couldn't just forget what happened… not even for Ryan. The realisation made her want to implode.

"Why aren't you eating?" Ryan asked, there was a distinct element of force through his voice.

Looked Marissa looked at him and gave him a horrified look that only bewildered him more. _What the hell is going on with her?_

"I'm just not that hungry," Marissa mumbled, and tried to smile, but it turned out to be just a sad grimace than anything else. Her wrists were burning with irritation. She gritted her teeth as she tried to resist the temptation to scratch. She prayed that Ryan would take the hint and he'd drop the subject. He was veering near very dangerous territory.

But Ryan wasn't done, "You look as though you haven't eaten all day. Are you feeling sick?" Ryan now looked worried, and more than ever she yearned to tell him the truth. It was choking her.

She swallowed hard, "Ryan _really_ I'm fine!" she said with more snap than she meant, and he gave her a quizzical look that made her want to melt into the ground.

But finally Ryan decided it was pointless trying to get anything out of her, and so he decided to change the subject to something a bit more cheerful. Maybe what Marissa needed was some praise. He smiled.

"You know, I can't thank you enough for helping Trey out over the weekend..."

Marissa entire body bristled. Her breath jaggered. Her bruises pressed into her skin. The emotion at the back of her eyes was at breaking point.

"…I think now everything's going to be okay for him. He's finally on the right track…"

Her wrists flared. Her heart smashed. She felt her spine give a sickening tremble. The nausea was indescribable.

"…and it's all thanks to you."

It was all she could take. She stood up so abruptly, she knocked a glass of the table.

It smashed into a thousand pieces.

Ryan looked at her with horror.

"I'm sorry! I have to go!" Marissa said tearfully.

Ryan head hammered. "W-wha- I don't-"

"I just… have… to… I'm so sorry!" she turned to leave. Her face was burning.

Ryan watched her go, breathing hard, his mind racing. What just happened?

Something _was_ wrong. He didn't know what had gotten into his girlfriend, but this Marissa certainly wasn't the same Marissa he'd kissed goodbye three days ago.

**Hope you liked it! It took a while to write, coz I was having a bit of trouble, but I think it's ok now! Cya next time!**


	5. A Lack of Color

**As usual, thanks so much for the amazing feedback! I'm becoming mighty obsessed with the "new email" chimer on my MSN account! Hehe! Reading from people who like my ideas is a real heartwarmer! Oh and pandog91, you crack me up! Hehe! I was laughing away at your review! It was "stupendous"! lol!**

**So now enter Summer and Seth… and the plot begins to thicken! I said this in a previous chapter, but just to recap, assume Seth wasn't an idiot in Miami and everything is still peachy. Oh, I may just warn you… my pen experience with these two is not very well exercised. I love them to bits, with their sarcastic comments to each other, so I just hope I do them justice. Please tell me how I do! Thanks again! Love Hannah**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the oc, or the characters, not even one of ryan's wife-beaters which every girl on the planet knows she wants to own. Nope… not even one of those. Sigh.**

**5: A LACK OF COLOR**

"_This is fact not fiction for the first time in years… and all the girls in every girly magazine can't make me feel any less alone… I'm reaching for the phone… to call up seven-o-three… and on your machine I…"_

"…Coh_-hen!_ Has anyone ever told you how crap you are at singing? You sound as if a blow fish got rammed down your throat and it stayed there," Summer bunched her face up in an adorable grimace that only encouraged Seth to continue.

"…_slur a plea for you to come home… but I know it's too late… that I should have given you a reason to stay…"_

"…Yeah? Well right now you're giving me a reason to _leave_!"

"…_given you a reason to stay-yay-yay… given you a reason to STAY!"_

"That's it! I'm taking Death Cab out of the CD player and throwing it in the trash." Summer marched over to her system, snapped the "Stop" button and ejected the disc.

"No! Give that back, it's mine!" Seth leapt off the bed and raced to salvage his precious CD from the evil witch. In sheer delight Summer waved it away from his lunging hand, a look of wicked satisfaction on her face.

"And what are you gonna do about it?" she asked innocently, a beckoning smile spreading.

Seth tried again for the disc but Summer's reflexes were too good, "I could have you sued."

"_Oh?"_

Summer drew the disc into her chest and fired a seductive look at Seth, one that made his heart give a definite thump.

"You want it?" she said in a low, sexy voice, "Come and get it."

Seth looked around the room and shrugged obligingly. Guess there was no other option. "Well… if I must."

And with that he leant in and met her at the lips. Summer giggled and returned the favour. In perfect rhythm they moved with each other and felt one another's kiss as they backed up towards the bed. When Summer felt the soft mattress at her legs they sunk slowly in the sheets, neither breaking away.

Summer embraced Seth's weight. It made her feel so good when she kissed him. The two of them seemed to fit in with each other so flawlessly. Every kiss with Seth felt like their first. When they were together it was as if the rest of the world just faded away into the horizon. The feeling of his touch was indescribable.

Seth brushed his lips over Summer's. He was the luckiest person in the universe. Below him was the girl of his dreams, the one he had wanted to be with his entire life. Years ago he would never have thought they'd be the way they were. He was the emo geek, the Comicon nerd, the outsider without a hope. And she was the social butterfly, the shining supernova, the girl with everything. Their differences might never have intertwined. But now their differences made them identical. It was blissful perfection.

They pulled away after the moment and Summer smiled. "Okay," she nodded breathlessly, "you can have it back."

Seth grinned and took the CD from Summer's fingers. "I'll drop the charges then." She giggled.

He leant down and gave her one more kiss before standing back on the floor. He then pulled her up by the hand.

"So Summer my dearest, what do you have planned for today?"

Summer checked herself over in the mirror and set back a loose strand of her silky black hair behind her ear. "Let's see… my schedule's pretty full. I'm going shopping - the Winter Clearout Sale is on at the mall!" she stated excitedly, to which Seth groaned and shook his head lovingly. "I'm going to head over to Coop's and ask if she wants to come with – which she will. That girl needs all sweaters she can get no matter what time of the year it is!"

The mention of Marissa's name reminded Seth of something. "Oh yeah, I think Ryan and Marissa had a fight last night."

Summer laughed and shook her head, "Already? They've been back with each other for what? A day? That's a new record, even by their standards."

Seth nodded in agreement, "I don't even think _we're _that bad."

Summer turned from the mirror and gave Seth a teasing look, "Oh, I'm sure you'll find a way to get us up to date."

Seth pretended he'd been shot in the chest and gasped in mock horror, "You hit me deep there Summer. Real deep."

She smiled innocently, then continued, "So what about? Did Ryan say anything?"

Seth shook his head, "Ryan came home last night and locked himself in the poolhouse. He was still asleep as I was coming over here. But I'm planning on asking him just that this afternoon when he's Chino-ed down."

"Well, I'll ask Coop this morning when I see her. I'm sure it's something totally stupid. Bet she spilt pizza sauce on his wife beater or something."

**X**

Summer breathed in the fresh spring air as she walked down the pier. She loved this time of the year. No school, not too hot, not too cool. Admittedly, it was a warmer day for spring, but the extra degrees hardly subtracted from her mood. She felt wonderful. Everything in life seemed in the right place now. She couldn't imagine that there was anything that might be wrong…

She walked briskly towards Marissa's house humming that freaken Death Cab song. _Dammit Cohen! It's catchy!_ But she was distracted from her thoughts when she caught sight of Ryan's brother across the road at his apartment. Summer watched Trey as he carried a large cardboard box jam-packed full of house ornaments down the stairs. In the parking lot was a rusty looking car whose paint was wearing off and wheels appeared to be falling off. Already the car was stacked with other cardboard boxes. In the driver's seat was some guy she'd never seen before.

But Summer simply shrugged and continued down the wooden path. She checked her watch. It was nearly eleven. The Clearout finished at three, which meant they'd only have about three hours. She decided to pick up the pace. Shopping was a very serious business that required a lot of time and thought!

A matter of minutes later, Summer walked up the sloping drive to Marissa's house. The front door was closed so she pressed the doorbell and listened for the inevitable rumble of feet bounding down the stairs.

A moment passed… then a very long moment… but no rumble.

Summer checked the driveway, only her Mom's car was out and Summer knew for a fact Marissa wouldn't go many places with _her_ these days.

She pressed the doorbell again. _Come on Coop, up and at 'em._

Just as Summer was about to start counting sheep, the door opened… very, very slowly.

As soon as Summer laid her eyes on the person who stood in front of her, and eerie feeling crept into her system. Marissa looked… _awful!_

Her face was deadly white and dry while her eyes were excruciatingly red, like they hadn't been closed for days. Her hair was greasy and hung limply and she wore an enormous dressing gown that covered her from collar bone to toe.

Marissa noticed Summer's eyes widen and she sensitively wrapped the gown tighter around her body. When she'd seen Summer walking towards her house she'd been thrown into a panic fit. After another sleepless and paranoid night of tears and blood she was in no physical or emotional state to even see _Summer_. Last night had been an absolute disaster. She was now so consumed with sadness and guilt it choked her. But she didn't want to have Summer suffer as well. It would be too much to bear.

But she had to at least try and convince her of _something_. "Hey, Sum," she said croakily.

"Yikes Coop! What happened to you?" Summer laughed, but the worry in her tone was clear. "Did you stay up all night watching horror flicks again?"

Marissa tried to laugh back but was restrained by the horrible feeling in her throat, "Yeah, sorry," she attempted to give a believable cough, "I think I've got the flu. I was puking all night." _Well at least the second bit is true,_ she thought.

"Oh poor baby!" Summer said sadly and she leant in to give Marissa a hug. She was caught a little off-guard when her friend's entire body seemed to ripple, but quickly put it at the back of her mind. "So I guess you don't feel like coming to the mall with me then?"

Marissa breathed a sigh of relief when Summer pulled away from the hug and nodded, "Yeah, no, sorry. I think I'll just hang here and try and get the rest of it out of my system."

Summer was visibly disappointed. Shopping was fun. Shopping alone _wasn't_ fun. But nevertheless she gave Marissa a sorrowful smile, "Okay Coop. I'll buy you a get-well present."

"Okay. Bye."

Marissa watched as Summer gave her a final wave then made her way alone back down the drive. The pain she felt was unbelievable. Now she was lying to her best friend as well. When she closed the door the new chain of tears were already leaking down her cheeks and her wrists, for the millionth time that morning, began to burn with irritation. She rolled up the sleeve of her gown and looked down at the fresh wounds that appeared on her skin. She wasn't counting them anymore. It seemed the more she counted was a further reminder of her failure.

She looked around the massive empty house at complete loss of what to do with herself. She couldn't sleep or she'd be plagued with fierce nightmares recounting her fateful night. She couldn't eat or the nausea would climax into the toilet can. And she certainly couldn't talk to anyone. Especially –

The phone rang for the third time that morning. It was him again. Marissa looked, horrified, at the phone, waiting and praying for the answering machine to take charge. Every ring amplified the agony to new heights and it was virtually unbearable.

But what she felt as the phone rang was nothing compared to what she felt when she heard his voice feed through the machine. The tears flooded down at the sound of his confused, pleading and angry tone.

"_Marissa, it's me _again._ Look, I don't know what I did, or whether I _did_ do anything. But I know something's wrong. _Please_ call me and speak to me…"_

There was a spine-snapping silence. He knew she was listening.

"_Please don't shut me out of your life again."_

And he was gone.

It was all she could take. In a flurry of emotion, she bounded back up the stairs and ran into the bathroom for not the first time that day.

**X**

Ryan pulled the phone from his ear once again and breathed heavily. He hadn't slept until about three in the morning. His mind had been burning like wildfire since last night. He couldn't even _begin_ to imagine what the hell was going on but the longer Marissa planned on leaving him in the dark the worse he felt.

He dropped the phone carelessly to the ground and lay back on the bed to rest his painful eyes.

"…_and on your machine I slur a plea for you to home…"_

Ryan groaned. Now he had Seth to answer to as well. Seth opened the door and stepped into the room, deep in song.

"…_but I know it's too late…that I should have given you a reason to stay. Given you are reason to stay-yay-yay…"_

"Has anyone ever told you you're a crap singer?" Ryan growled.

"Nice to see you too amigo. That was me changing the subject by the way." Seth answered.

Ryan sighed deeply and rubbed his weary temples. "Sorry, Seth. I'm just… tired."

Seth nodded and sat down on the bed, "So what happened between you and Marissa last night?"

Ryan couldn't help but smirk, "News really _does _travel fast around here."

"That, and you stormed in here last night and didn't come out until… oh wait… you _haven't _come out yet." Seth cocked an eyebrow.

He waited for a response from Ryan, but when nothing came he continued, "So… what happened?"

"Honestly," Ryan began, "I have no idea."

"Well _that's_ a great start."

"She sounded weird on the phone, but I thought she was just, you know, busy. But then last night, it became clear." Ryan dropped his head in confusion as his mind began to race again, "I just can't figure it out."

"Well, I mean, what did she say?" Seth asked.

"Not much, I'll tell you that. She was quiet all night. And then she just ran off crying." Ryan paused, thinking, "And now… she's not answering my calls."

Seth processed the information, "Well, Summer and her were going to the mall today, so maybe she'll find out." He watched as Ryan looked all the more miserable. "Hey, man, don't worry too much. Maybe she wasn't feeling very well," he suggested.

But Ryan shook his head sadly, "I don't think so, Seth. It's something else. I don't know what it is… but I _do _know that something is very, very wrong."

**That was definitely the most challenging chapter so far! Hehe! But I hope you liked it all the same! Please tell me what you think! Love Hannah.**


	6. Mistaken Identity

**Hey everyone. Ooh my gosh, this week I got soo excited about this fan fic. I was cleaning my room, thinking of ways I could perfect my story of some of the holes I still needed to fill, and I had the BIGGEST brainwave. So I dropped everything, (and by everything I mean my entire –OPEN- pencil case for school went SPLAT! Hehe!) and rushed over to my special notebook and jotted it all down. I'm soo pumped up for the coming chapters! I only hope that you guys will enjoy it too, coz that's the main thing! **

**Now, to answer the question that's on everyone's mind, YES the truth is coming… _soon_. I think it's really important, given the serious situation that Marissa especially is in, that I establish a steady progression of deterioration. And it can't really be done in one chapter, and you're probably pushing it at two. It's a long, painful and slow fall to rock bottom, and let's just say that Marissa (and those who are falling with her) are nearing the three quarter point. So if you would just bear with me and Marissa for a little longer, I will take you to rock bottom … and hopefully back up! Hehe!**

**So thanks so much guys, I say it every time, but it's the truth every time. Your feedback is three quarters (see? We're doing the quarters thing again!) the reason why I love writing this story! The fourth quarter of course is simply the joy of writing! So enough from me! I just wanted to tell you that so that I may hopefully put your mindset into context! Love and Light, Hannah.**

**Disclaimer: No, no… don't own the OC. Sad but true.**

**CHAPTER 6: MISTAKEN IDENTITY**

"Holy _shit_!" Marissa whimpered when she looked down at the scales. _Nine_ _whole pounds._ She hadn't realised that no food and vomiting would cause _that_ much weight-loss. Her dry-gnawed hands began to tremble as she tried to gain control of the spiking sensation that welled in her stomach. The ever-present tears that had stained her eyes for the past days welled once more and her lungs began to pump acidic bursts of stifling oxygen. She closed her eyes at a desperate effort to compose herself… which of course was utterly impossible.

She stepped shakily off the scales and shuffled over to the sink. Craning over the basin, that was now splattered with the odd stain of her own blood, her shoulder blades quivered slightly at her weight as she leant on her gripping hands. It took her a moment to build up what strength she had left to raise her head to the mirror. She was terrified of who, or _what_ she would see before her. Finally she lifted her weak face and her reflection met her. Who was this girl staring before her? She was eye-to-eye with this ugly stranger. She wasn't someone she'd met before. Not this defeated delinquent who slashed herself every waking and sleeping hour of the day. Not this filthy liar who was turning away anyone and everyone who might just lend their hand. Who the _hell_ was she?

She smashed her head against the mirror. The pain dwelled for just a moment, but soon melted into the rest of the agony that she felt both outside and inside her body. How the hell was she going to make it through the day like this?

It was the first day back at school; the day she had been dreading ever since her weary mind had registered that she wasn't going to be able to hibernate forever. Not only would she have to face Ryan, Summer and even Seth; but five hundred other of Newport's finest crap-heads. It was like the wilderness at that school. No one cared; they just loved the feeling of knowing they were always better than the next person.

Not only that; but the prospect of having to lie to Ryan's face for an entire day more was enough to bring her buckling to her knees. He must have called her about two dozen times, but not once had she had the bravery to answer. She knew that with every ring their relationship was falling farther and farther apart. It broke her already dilapidated heart to think how she was hurting him. But it was better this way. This way, he wouldn't have to know the truth that would surely rip him to smaller shreds. It destroyed her, but _anything_ was worth protecting him.

She checked her watch. She had an hour before class, but before that she had some serious work to do. Swallowing away the choking clump that lingered in her throat, Marissa pulled out her make-up kit and began her desperate attempt to cling to whatever identity she had remaining.

**X**

"Coffee?"

Ryan shook his head listlessly.

"Bagel?"

Ryan grunted dejectedly that he was not hungry _at all_.

"Pop Ta_rrr-never_ mind." Seth absorbed the truly threatening look on his brother's face and decided third strike would mean out… and by "out" he meant _taken_ out. He closed his trap just as Ryan's eye-whites flashed him a look of last warning.

The two of them sat in the Cohen kitchen dressed and packed, ready for their first day back at school since Spring Break. Seth had to admit to himself that he was slightly excited about today; what with him and Summer good again, his grades actually didn't suck this semester _and_ he'd been beaten up considerably less this year. He felt confident at school for the first time in… well _ever, _and Seth figured he would dwell in the feeling while it still tasted fresh.

Ryan on the other couldn't have been further from the opposite. He hadn't even smelt that place again yet and already he had the sinking feeling that today, tomorrow, and probably even the next day, were going to utterly _suck_. It had been five whole days since he'd last seen or merely heard from Marissa. He'd even gone over to her house the other day to confront her, but he hadn't even heard the sound of her footsteps climbing down the staircase. Whatever the reason, Marissa was trying her utmost hardest to shut him out completely, and it had worked up until this morning. Now she would _have_ to see him, no matter what. But the truth was the Ryan was now so hurt and angry with her that he wasn't sure he would have the patience to tolerate her… at least he was convinced to tell himself that… too bad a large part of him was so dying to see her again it nearly killed him.

He exhaled so loudly that made Seth raise his eyebrows.

"Lighten up, dude. It's not going to be _that_ bad!" he attempted.

Ryan laughed sarcastically in comment.

Seth relented, "Okay… I'll _admit_ it doesn't look _too_ good from my point-of-view. _Yes_ she ran out on your dinner in tears, _yes_ she's avoided every single phone-call you've thrown at her. And y_es_ she's probably going to try and avoid you some more today-"

"Seth, _how_ exactly is this supposed to make me feel better?" Ryan questioned him, agitated.

Ignoring him Seth continued, "-_but_ I still have this gut feeling… no forget that, I _know_ Ryan, I _know_ that everything will be fine."

Ryan drummed his fingers upon the empty coffee cup in front of him in thought. He rubbed his exhausted eyes with his other hand, "And how are you so sure about that?"

"Because, Ryan, you two are like the magnet-couple!" Ryan stared at Seth, a look of thorough confusion across his profile. _"Dude!"_ Seth continued in explanation, "You and Marissa have been in more freaken fights than I could list in a single afternoon."

Ryan registered Seth's comments through his mind.

"Hmmm, let's see," he began counting on his fingers, "a) a bare-chested water-polo player…"

_Luke had been the _least_ of their worries._

" …b) a suicidal psychopath…"

_All the trust that they had built over the months had come crippling to the ground._

"…c) a pregnancy by your ex in Chino…"

_It had been the worst, most lonely summer of his entire life._

"…d) – I'm running out of fingers, help me out, - a rose-pruning yard guy…"

_Now _that_ had been awkward._

"…a long-lost half-aunt of mine,"

_We agreed not to go there again, Seth._

"…and, my friend, let's not forget that little fling Marissa had with Alex!" Seth struggled to contain his admiration of her same-sex experimentations.

And for the first time that morning Ryan held up his hands in agreement, "Yeah, okay, so Marissa and I have had more than our fair share of…" he tried to think of the right word, "…_issues_."

Seth nodded as if it were the most obvious confession in the world. "And then there was that whole thing with Trey and the egg… and the party…"

As Seth began to go off again about the "Weird and Oh-So-Wonderful" life of Ryan and Marissa, Ryan was suddenly plagued with more worrying thoughts at the mention of Trey's name. Seth saw Ryan's immediate slump of the shoulders.

"What is it?" Seth asked.

Ryan shook his head unsurely, "Trey's the other issue."

Seth looked confused, "But I thought you said everything with him was going great."

"It is! Well… at least I _assume_ it is. It appears Marissa's not the only one losing all means of communication with me."

Seth looked at him for more information.

"_Trey's_ not answering his phone _either,"_ Ryan explained further, "and I _also_ haven't seen him for a while."

Seth looked genuinely concerned this time, sarcasm aside, "Well, do you think he's… you know," he was cautious to suggest it, "maybe going Chino?"

Ryan didn't look offended and took the question as if he was expecting it, "I don't know," he shook his head, "I sure as hell am hoping not. For the moment, I'm just hoping that maybe he's working extra shifts at the Bait Shop to earn some cash."

Seth nodded at Ryan's thoughts. He knew all too well how precarious the Ryan/Trey situation was. He knew he could never be able to contemplate fully what their pre-life in Chino must have been like, and he told himself not to think that far anyway. Trey had obviously had his lion-share of stuff-ups in his life. Ryan, the reformed Atwood of the clan, felt that Trey had been given a second chance at life, an opportunity to leave the past behind. Unfortunately for Trey however, it seemed there was just _too much_ past to let go of.

The truth was however that Ryan _wasn't_ so sure that Trey was avoiding him to work shifts. Over the past days during the Marissa drought, something inside was telling him that something might have happened between her and his brother. After all, it all added up; everything had been brilliant until he'd gone away. When he'd returned she was a changed person. Now Trey wasn't talking either…

But he didn't want to believe what his heart was telling him. He could never believe that Marissa would ever betray him like that. He figured that if he didn't say it out loud then there was no point worrying about it. So he remained quiet and kept his mouth and feelings shut.

"…Ryan? _Ryan?_" he suddenly became aware of the call of his name. He turned his gaze back on Seth who stood with his backpack slung over one shoulder. "We should get going."

Now back in reality, Ryan's heart sank and he groaned. Disgruntled, he picked up his own satchel and followed Seth out the door where Sandy was waiting in the Land Rover.

Let the games begin.

**X**

"_Sethie!"_ Summer trotted up to the two of them, and snapped her fingers over Seth's eyes. She stood up on tip-toe and placed a kiss on his cheek before releasing her hands and falling back in her shoes.

"What? We've progressed to even more degrading nicknames at this point in our relationship?" Seth turned his body into Summer's and obliged with a return peck on her lips.

"Guess so," she answered briefly as they stood in the bustling courtyard of The Harbor School.

"Then I shall call you Bitch-Slap."

Summer broke away immediately with a look of divine disgust on her face and stamped a heeled stiletto on Seth's big toe. At Seth's winding yelp of pain she replaced her expression with an adorably innocent smile of satisfaction.

"Or not," Seth wheezed.

Ryan sighed and shook his head and laughed in spite of himself. The two of them really did provide wonderful entertainment at a time when all he wanted was to shut himself in the poolhouse. He was mildly impressed at Seth and Summer's ability to humour him.

The three of them stood now at the top of the cemented steps and turned to overlook the ground before them. Each one sighed in unison.

"Here we are again," Summer commented.

"Yup!" Seth concurred, "Vacations always seem so long until they're over."

"So true."

Ryan's sigh had partly been referred to the fact he was here again, but the extra punch in his heart was irritating him almost beyond comprehension. He scanned the grounds furiously.

"Hey, any sign of-"

"-Oh my God!" Summer suddenly shrieked. She pointed as an almost unrecognisable figure that was supposed resemble Marissa Cooper emerged from the evergreen glade. Innately Summer made her way down the flight of stairs to her friend.

Ryan gasped too. Even from this distance the change since the other day was blatant. He watched, unsure and bemused at the girl he loved. At one time, Ryan would see a golden glow radiate from her presence. At one time, when he laid eyes upon her, she would be the only one he saw. But now the glow had diminished and although she was still the only one he saw, it was for all the wrong reasons. Marissa looked frail and weak up against the blazing Spring light. She looked sick and exhausted. She was thinner and her face had sunk into a shade of melancholy.

Marissa dared to lift her head and gaze up the stairs. She was terrified of who she would find staring at her. And at once she and he were locked in gazes with each other in a bitter stalemate of emotions. She was terrified and crippled. He was confused and angry. The two of them kept on at each other for what might have been hours if Marissa hadn't become aware of Summer's voice through her ear.

"_Coop!_ What happened to you?" Summer tried to laugh in her typical fashion, but she had little success concealing her worry, "Did you take a dive into the trash can before you came?"

Marissa drew her eyes away from Ryan, who still stood stationary at the top of the stairs, half relieved, half heartbroken. She turned her sights to Summer who was _also_ stared at her profile. The attention made Marissa feel completely derailed.

She attempted a smile, trying to sound as normal as possible, "I know! I look horrible!" she tried to laugh it off, "I'm still kind of flu-y I think." This was going to be one of the worst days of her life. Her wrists began to flare with pain and irritation with every agonising second.

"Aren't you a little hot in that?" Summer observed the navy sweater Marissa wore over her hot pink T-shirt.

The comment made Marissa feel worse. Every wound on her body seemed to amplify with pain and seemed to make sizzling noises in her ears.

"Oh! Umm, well, I thought while I'm still getting better I should wear one just in case," Marissa answered, trying hard to hide the tremble in her voice.

Suddenly the bell chimed in, giving Marissa the perfect chance to break away from Summer's comments. "Oh!" she said almost too cheerfully, "Better head off! Biol." She hurried away from Summer and made the wrenching climb up the stairs. She kept her head down and tried to veer away from Ryan who stood there waiting for her.

The closer look he got at Marissa, the more perplexed he grew. His insides gave a definite rattle when he saw how ill she looked. Then he realised she was actually attempting to swerve past him without talking to him.

He ran in front her, stopping her step. The two of them looked at each other for just a moment, but Ryan wasted no time getting down to business. She looked petrified.

"What the hell is going on Marissa?" he shot at her. He tried to be calm, but the emotions had long eroded his moral sensibility and he was now left with anger.

His words stung through her intestines and her stomach gave a sickening jolt, "I don't have time to talk about this Ryan," she snapped back.

Ryan persisted, "What? You just expect me to stand back and watch?"

Marissa was about to retort but was stopped as he continued. As he spoke she felt the venom climaxing in her throat.

"Why aren't you answering any of my calls?"

"_Please_ just get out of my way!" Marissa began to walk towards the door but again he stumped her.

Ryan tried again, this time not so much furious, but now utter confusion was kicking in, "You left me at dinner, you ran off crying for Christ's sake! You avoid me for five days and you don't even open the door to me!" he was desperate. He lowered his tone and spoke very, very slowly and clearly, "Now tell me now Marissa, what is going on?"

They hammered stares at each other in silence. Marissa was trembling uncontrollably. Ryan looked unlike she'd ever seen him. He was furious and pleading in one. His eyes were glazed over with a film of emotion. He had drained her dry of all means of strength. She longed to tell him what was _really_ going on, but she couldn't. Not now, not ever. He could never know… _she_ understood, why couldn't he?

She looked at him with tears swelling in her eyes. He became hazy in her vision. She opened her mouth and spoke barely audibly, "I have to get to class, Ryan." And before Ryan had another chance to stop her, she brushed past him, and disappeared into the building.

Ryan heaved deeply, watching her go. He'd never seen her like that. She looked totally defeated and shrivelled. She was hiding something that she didn't want to tell him and it was eating away at her both inside and out.

He finally became aware of Seth and Summer standing silently behind him. He turned to their faces. They each looked scared and just as confused.

"Woah! Seth breathed and spoke quietly, his eyes wide, "That was intense."

"Ryan, what's going on?" Summer's voice rippled with concern for her best friend.

The three of them now stood alone on the stairs as the tail-end of Harbor students fed into the complex. An eerie silence grew in the atmosphere and it deafened their ears. Ryan exchanged a look with both of them then looked towards the ocean that surfaced in the near distance. He was still breathing heavily while his mind races in with a flurry of thoughts and feelings.

"I don't know," he answered at length, "But I'm going to find out if it's the last thing I do."

**Wow! Sorry it was quite long, but it was really fun to write! My initial plan for this chapter included a few more things, but I think I'll save them for next time. Hehe! I hope you enjoyed it all the same! Please review, it makes me so happy! Hehe! Love Hannah xox.**


	7. Miscommunication

**OMG! I'm soo sorry guys for taking SOO long to update! I've been SO busy with schoolwork that I just didn't have the time… which KILLED me coz I was DYING to write this chapter! I hope this updates makes up for my slackness, coz I can assure, the instant I got a moment away from my exams I was on my computer typing this up! I'm so hyped!**

**This chapter establishes the growing and intensifying friction between many relationships. It's ultimately the set up for the coming chapters, which I can assure you I am REALLY excited about! I really hope you enjoy it. So sorry once again for my lack of update! Hopefully won't happen again! Love Hannah**

**CHAPTER 7 – MISCOMMUNICATION**

…"_Trey…no…okay…n-never…"_

…"_What? What I'm not good enough for you?" ..._

…"_No, no I don't mean it like that okay, I" …_

…"_Here I am and Ryan gets all the fucking good life!" …_

…"_Please… get off! … get…"_

Trey awoke from the nightmare with a start. Sweat drenched his entire face and his eyes were already wild with fear and aggression. It took him a moment to gather himself together. It seemed with every silent day that crept passed the stray pieces of his mind came together more tightly and the memory of that night became stronger and all the more relentless.

Rubbing his temples, he tried to shake away the stabbing pain of his hangover, but the attention only brought more discomfort and he soon stopped. He rolled over on his back and drew in the foul stench of tobacco that stifled the apartment. He couldn't even remember what he'd done the night before, but was certain it involved a mixture of cocaine, sex and alcohol. It had been so every other night anyway.

"Come on, Sugar, up you get," came that high pitched crone that Trey was truly beginning to detest more with every passing second. He raised his sore head from his hands and glared at Jess, who was dressed in her usual mini skirt and tank top attire. She stood typically, leaning her weight on one side of her body with her manicured hand on her hip. She held her Prada shoulder bag with the other and gave Trey the look of expectancy. "Well?" she said sultrily, "Hurry up and drop me off at school."

Trey knew what she was doing; pushing his buttons, trying to unnerve him at the thought of potentially running into a certain brother or a certain brother's girlfriend. He knew Jess found simple satisfaction out of the thought of Little Miss Cooper being swiped off her high horse by someone so close to home. She was relishing in it.

"Why do you even go to school anyway?" Trey said in monotone, "You moved out of home for Christ's sake. Why would you even bother?"

"Family compromise, Crack-Ass," Jess rolled her eyes impatiently, "I move out, the 'rentals get the report cards."

Trey scoffed, "They have grades that low on the radar for your reports these days?"

Jess raised her eyebrows but didn't say anything on it, "Fine, I'll take myself to school. I'm late enough as it is." Before leaving she ambled over to Trey and dropped her bag. She grabbed his neck, sat down on his lap and grinded herself hard into his torso. Trey groaned in satisfaction, despite his efforts to resist. Jess licked his lips and fluttered her heavily shadowed eyes towards his, "But just remember who took you in," she continued lick his face, and swivelled her tongue along his as she spoke, "If you're not at school to pick me up in six hours, I might _accidentally _blow your and Little Miss Riss's secret to… _nobody_ _in particular_," she moved her body harder into his, and caused his whole frame to quake. "Got it?"

And at that Jess leapt off him, leaving him breathless on the bed and disappeared out the door. Trey remained there in the now silent room, his painful head caning. He had the distinct feeling that today was not going to be a very good day at all.

**X**

Marissa sat alone at one of the round tables during lunch on just the second day back after Spring Break. She felt beyond any sadness she'd ever possessed before. She could hardly see straight as she struggled to carry the full burden of everything that had been piled on top of her this passed week. The weight was relentless given the continued barrier that had been built between her and Ryan. She was plagued with deep sorrow and guilt at all times of the day and night.

She stared listlessly at her tray of untouched food before her. She'd only made herself up a lunch tray to try and show people any sign of normality. But even now, with her stomach almost screaming for an ounce of food, she couldn't bring herself to take a single bite. She looked around her at her fellow students. Almost all of them were smiling and laughing, without a care in the world. It was another thing that drove her wild day in and day out. Nothing except herself had stopped. Everything was running away from her, and she was still trapped and unable to run with them.

Maybe that was why she couldn't stop hurting herself. She sighed as she thought this and pulled up her sleeve just a little to reveal one of the sores. Maybe she cut herself because it was something she could use to control her sadness for just a fleeting moment at least. Still, it didn't take away from her constant and growing anguish. She was now addicted to that small sensation of the weightlessness. So much so, she was no longer worried about the wounds she was inflicting on herself, but petrified at the realisation that she couldn't stop even if she tried. It was a lose-lose situation that strangled her tightly.

Deciding it was hopeless, and that she was doing more harm than good staring at this uneatable food, she went to stand up and head off early to English. But as she stood, the bruises that still lingered on her stomach and chest gave a stab and she flinched. She raised a hand and rubbed over the spot that pained.

At that very moment, Seth was returning from his Comic Book Club meeting when he spotted Marissa's sickly form across the way. He stopped and watched her as she stood up. He was confused when Marissa suddenly seemed to wince and clutch her chest, as if she was in pain. He continued to eye her as she travelled towards the bin with a fully uneaten tray of food and dump all. Seth looked at Marissa's deathly-pale face. What _was_ wrong? He just couldn't understand it. He decided he'd try and talk some of it out of her and began walking towards her.

Marissa saw Seth coming towards her and she swore silently. She didn't want to speak to him, let alone anyone else. She was just so through with lying to people. All she wanted was to be back at home so she could hide away from everyone's prying gazes. She really didn't know how much longer she could take all these questions from people. _And I swear, _she thought to herself, _if ONE MORE person asks me about my sweater…_

"Hey Marissa," Seth said softly and he gave her a genuine smile.

"Hey Cohen," she returned, attempting to sound grateful for his friendship. The truth was she was wholly grateful, but the effort in showing that on the exterior was another story. "How are you?"

Seth gave her a side nod, "Was gonna ask you the same thing."

Marissa hesitated. She knew it was going to come, but she could never prepare herself for it. "Oh, well, I don't really know to be honest," she _was_ being honest, which surprised even herself. She smiled at him.

There was a delayed silence that lingered between them, and Marissa knew that Seth wanted to ask her something to do with her behaviour.

Seth was searching for the right words. He was all too aware of Marissa's tendency to snap people's head off if they said the wrong things around her. But he so badly needed to know something… _anything_… for Ryan's sake.

"You know…" he began cautiously, "I noticed you threw your lunch out just then."

"Oh?" Marissa breathed, "I'm not really hungry today," she said it with more force than she meant. She warned herself to stay calm.

Seth couldn't help himself. He was so desperate for more of an explanation from her, "Yeah? Well you look as if you haven't been hungry for month." The words spilled out before he could think what he was saying, and immediately he saw Marissa's pupils shrink in size. But the expression she now bore, to his surprise, wasn't one of anger, but one of utter terror and sadness.

Marissa didn't know what to say, as the immense sorrow consumed her for the moment. She turned her eyes to the pavement in a way to hide her face. She had to stay calm. _Just don't ask me about the sweater,_ she warned him silently.

"Aren't you hot in that?" Seth continued.

At that, Marissa snapped her head up. Seth saw. Her sadness was almost bursting, but the frustration was also evident through her extreme expression.

"Oh, just shut up Seth!" Marissa yelled. She'd had it.

The force in her voice stung at him, "Sorry, I just-"

"You're just _wondering._ Yah, I know! Everyone in this friggin town's just _wondering_," she found herself unable to contain herself, "How many times do I have to tell you? I'm _fine!_ There's nothing wrong! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get to class." And before she let Seth see the blinding flow of tears explode from her eyes she ran off towards the building.

Seth stood there stunned and frozen. "Woah." He had _never_ seen Marissa go off like _that_ before. It had been such a powerful mixture of anger and terror and it had completely overwhelmed him. One way or another, they needed to get what ever it was out of her before things got any worse. Seth thought to himself; a_nd who do you turn to when Miss Cooper is on the path towards an emotional breakdown?_

Ryan.

**X**

Ryan looked at his watch as he exited the library after doing his chemistry homework that he hadn't done the night before. He hadn't really achieved much in that half an hour as it was. He had had way too much on his mind to think about sulphuric acid and basics.

Despite his previous failed attempts, Ryan wanted to see Marissa before the next class. He planned on cornering her at her locker and trying one more time to get something out of her. No matter what, he wasn't going to give up on her. He'd made a promise to himself never to abandon her again. And this was no exception. One way or another, whether it would be today, tomorrow or a year from now, he was going to get the whatever she was hiding out of her.

But as Ryan marched briskly through the halls, he was unaware that someone _else_ was following him, and waiting for the perfect opportunity to have a little chat with him…

Marissa had her entire face hidden in her locker as she dabbed her eyes with a tissue. Her body was still hot after her outburst. Everything shook; her breathing was heavy and laboured; bruises stung; wrists flared. She closed her eyes at an attempt to calm herself. When she felt composed enough she pulled her face out and closed her locker. But when she returned the door to the latch she was met with Ryan's determined and unnerving stare. She jumped out of her skin and bashed into the wall of lockers behind her. Her heavy breathing returned in full force. She stared back at him but did not say anything.

The first thing Ryan noticed was Marissa's reddened eyes, "Have you been crying?" he asked worriedly. This motivated her to hastily rub her eyes again and shield her face as best she could from him.

"Ryan not now okay?" she said exhaustedly. She couldn't handle this.

"Just tell me _please_ what's going on!" Ryan said desperately.

Marissa struggled against the suffocating knot in her throat, "It's not as simple as that Ryan. Please try and understand."

"_Understand_ Marissa? God! Isn't it obvious that's what I've been trying to do the moment I came home from Miami?" Ryan took a step closer towards her. He looked at her and studied her eyes that were filling rapidly with tears. She looked as if she was dying to tell him something. Maybe he was finally getting somewhere with her this time.

She couldn't! She knew what he'd do. She couldn't tell him!

"Come on," Ryan tried again in a soft, coaxing tone that made her heart literally die.

A single tear slid from her eye, and right before she thought she was surely going to collapse, she was saved by the ringing of the bell to go back into class. She quickly whipped away the falling tear. "I have to go Ryan," she said in a broken voice. She bolted from him and ran off.

"No… wait," Ryan tried, defeated, but she was already out of earshot. _Shit!_ He kicked one of the bottom lockers in frustration.

"Poor wittle Atwood," came a voice that made Ryan utterly shudder. He turned around and was met with Jess's hideous smirk in his face.

"What do _you_ want?" Ryan said in an unforgiving way.

Jess shrugged, still with that fake grin pasted on her face, "Oh, nothing really. I was just observing that little incident just then."

Ryan began walking passed her, fed up, "It's none of your business Jess, so just keep your ass out of it."

But Jess stood back in front of him and stopped him, "Oh, but it is actually," she said innocently.

Ryan looked at her venomously, "How so?"

Jess stood towards him and drew an invisible line down his chest with her index finger, "Oh, well let's just say that Marissa Cooper and I have one more thing in common than getting wasted at parties." With a final smile, she turned, flicking her loose blonde hair in his face and walked off.

Ryan glared after her with indescribable hatred, before turning himself away from Marissa's locker and towards the chemistry lab.

**X**

Summer ran hurriedly towards Marissa when she saw her after the final bell. For the first time in her life, she was actually angry at her friend. Marissa had avoided her all day (with a few brief exceptions) and Seth had filled her in on his fight with Marissa at lunch. Summer was worried about her, of course, but at that moment, all she wanted to know why Marissa had done this to her and Seth.

"Oh, hey Sum," Marissa smiled thinly as she raced to pack her things away and hurry home at last.

"What's going on Coop?" Summer snapped, taking Marissa off guard. "Where have you been today? I've seen you like twice all day and you've barely spoken to me."

The words hit at Marissa hard, "Sorry, Summer," she attempted, "I've just been really busy."

"Oh! Right! But no so busy that you didn't have time to yell at Seth," Summer stared at her confused.

Marissa blushed, "I'm, I'm sorry about that today, Summer, I was a bit stressed."

Summer shrugged and looked at her helplessly, "Marissa why are you still lying to me?"

"I'm not! I'm just-"

"Come on! You went off at Seth because he asked you why you threw your lunch out." Marissa looked away from her, feeling physically ill. Summer continued quietly, "I've seen you do it too Coop." she gulped before continuing bluntly, "You don't _really_ have the flu do you?" Marissa's erupt silence confirmed it, and Summer struggled to hold back her tears. There was an eerie pause between them. "Come on Coop. I'm your best friend! What's going on with you these days?"

Marissa shook her head sadly, "I can't tell you Summer, I'm sorry. I just… can't" she fought to say the final words. "I have to go."

Before Summer could stop her she made her way towards the entrance. She should have been relieved to finally be heading home to her room and away from this place, but that anticipation turned on its head when she saw the figure of Trey standing beside the fountain. Immediately, her heart nose-dived to her liver and began thumping vigorously. Why the hell was he here! Quickly and silently she found a hiding spot behind a large oak tree. She watched him, petrified, but at the same time, deeply curious.

Ryan walked dejectedly out of the compound, feeling rotten. He'd wanted to see Marissa before leaving, but couldn't find her anywhere. But as he was met with the fresh spring air, he _did _see someone. When he saw Trey standing there on the level below him, he was suddenly filled with a new sense of anger. He wasted no time heading down to meet him.

As Ryan got closer, he noticed Trey shuffle his weight nervously. The two locked gazes and Ryan noticed his brother's eyes wander furiously. He continued his beeline.

"Hey Ry," Trey said pathetically.

"Cut the crap Trey," Ryan said heatedly. After the last couple of days he'd had, and particularly this one, he was absolutely in no mood for Trey's excuses, "Where the hell have you been?"

Trey shook his head and scoffed, "You know what man? Screw you! It's like as soon as I do something different with my life you immediately think the worst of me."

"And how else am I s'posed to react when you rock up here after a week smelling like an ashtray?" Ryan returned equally as angrily, "Come on man! Cut this bullshit!" Trey turned his head in disgust, and Ryan suddenly caught sight of the deep gash on the right side of his forehead, "Where the hell did that come from?" he pointed.

At that Trey seemed to lose his demeanour and stumbled over his next sentence nervously, "I – uh – hit it on the side of a table when I was cleaning the other day."

"Right, okay," Ryan said impatiently without believing a word, "well while you're having fun making up lame-ass excuses, I'm trying to contact you everyday and you don't even answer your phone! What's going on?"

Their feud was interrupted by the arrival of Jess. "Oh, I see you two found each other," Jess said smoothly. She made distinct movements with her hand, attracting Ryan's eyes and slipped it into Trey's. Ryan was instantly revolted; exactly what Jess was hoping for. She continued her antics and kissed Trey on the cheek, "Thanks so much Trey for picking me up," she said sweetly, "Ready to go home?"

Trey's eyes dashed between Jess's satisfied and Ryan's infuriated expressions nervously. Ryan was seething, "Trey, please don't tell me this is what I think it is?"

Trey was about to respond when Jess chimed in, "Oh, sorry Ryan! I thought Trey would have told you!" she stroked Trey's cheek, "We live together now."

Ryan's fiery eyes darted towards his brother's, "You've got to be kidding me man! What about the apartment? You spent a week moving into that place!" he reminded him lividly, "Marissa bought it for you," Trey seemed to flinch, "and this is how you repay her?"

Trey went ghostly white, giving Jess the queue to come in. Ryan saw her eyes flash with utter contentment, "Oh, I shouldn't worry about that, Ryan. Trey's already repaid his debt to Marissa." She smirked.

Ryan looked at Trey, then at Jess, and then back at Trey. "What's she talking about Trey?" he pierced his brother with a deathly stare.

Before Trey had a chance to reply, Jess pulled him away, "Come on Trey, we have to head off. It was nice chatting with you Ryan, but Trey has a shift at four and you wouldn't want him to be late would you?"

And they were gone, leaving Ryan standing alone in the courtyard, thoughts spinning through his mind at an unbelievable speed.

Unsure of what to do with himself, he simply looked around him at his environment. The school was nearly empty now, save one particular figure of Marissa, running off in the other direction with tears falling hotly from her eyes.

**That chapter was SOO much fun to write! Once again, SOO sorry for the delay in chapters! I promise you the next update won't take so long! We are coming to the critical stages, and I really can't wait to write more! I hope you enjoyed! R+R as always! Love Hannah**


	8. Broken Photograph

**WOWIES! Thanks guys! That's all I can really say! I had such a generous response last chapter and it's really quite overwhelming! Really, it's soo appreciated! Virtually two seconds after I posted Chapter 7, I got to work on this chapter. I've had more fun than ever writing this fan fiction. I'm really excited because very very soon, all of this stuff that's happened over the past chapters will finally come to a climax! Please stay tuned! I can only hope that it's as good as I'm cracking it up to be… that would be rather embarrassing actually! Haha! Oh and to answer someone's question of the continuation of this story after the climax, the answer is OF COURSE! Hehe! This story's not over yet! Lol! So please enjoy this chapter! Oh and sorry if it's rather long! But there's so much to include! Haha! Hopefully it will leave you eager for more! Love and Light, Hannah**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Newport Beach… or The Harbor School… or the Cohen Mansion…. or the sacred pool house… or the characters … NOT EVEN BEN!…. I feel so deprived. Lol!**

**CHAPTER 8 – BROKEN PHOTOGRAPH**

That night, Ryan excused himself from dinner, saying he didn't feel so good after an off lunch. In truth, he _did_ feel ill, but for reasons other than food poisoning. Today had been one of the most frustrating days since he'd arrived in Newport. He felt as if this giant black stormcloud had just descended over him. He couldn't understand what was going on even if he tried. All he needed right now was a chance to think, and to run everything through his weary head. But as it turned out, his solitude wasn't achieving anything; there was too much flooding his brain for it to think logically anymore.

He sighed lifelessly. First Marissa, now Trey. Both of them were hiding something. There were so many questions… so many unanswered questions. He rubbed his temples in irritation and snapped his eyes shut at an attempt to ease the swirling emotion. He didn't know how much longer he could handle it. He reopened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling and stared absently.

With another sigh, Ryan turned his head slowly and caught sight of the single silver photoframe that was propped up on the bedside table. Carefully, he reached his hand over, picked it up and drew it over his chest. A deep sadness captured him as he took in the image of a long ago yesterday: Ryan and Marissa stood at the bottom of the Ferris Wheel just moments after their very first kiss. They stood hand in hand. Their foreheads were touching. Their lips were almost meeting. Marissa bore the most beautiful soft smile, and Ryan looked at her as if he had finally found his place in his new home. The remains of that turbulent summer were finally being washed away.

Ryan thought back to the day when Marissa had given him the photo. She'd been so excited, calling it something special that they could share even when they were apart... _"You have one, I have one… Ryan! Don't look at me that way! I'm a girl, that's what we do! I know it's kinda corny, but this way, even in hard times, you will always know how I feel about you." …_

Ryan breathed jaggedly. That moment seemed so totally far away and hidden in the past now. It had been too long since he'd seen Marissa smile like that. Her happiness had faded and all that seemed to remain was the burden of some deep and horrible hurt.

Quickly, before he let the sorrow consume him, he blinked his eyes and willed away the light film of emotion that had developed. Then he remembered something about this picture that he'd almost forgotten. Gently he undid the backing of the frame and released the photograph. He turned it over and read with a heavy heart Marissa's inscription on the back:

_Dear Ryan,_

_I will always love you, no matter what._

_Marissa._

"No matter what," Ryan repeated to himself in a whisper. He continued to look at the picture and wondered if, by any chance at all, Marissa might _just_ be doing the same thing…

After a while, he replaced the photo into the frame and stood it back on the table, but still he could not draw his eyes away from it until a knock at the door distracted him. He groaned dejectedly. He'd already explained that he wasn't hungry.

"Not now Seth," he answered the tapping in monotone.

"Actually, it's Summer," her voice startled Ryan as it fed through the door. "Can I come in?"

Intrigued, Ryan got up from the bed and walked over the door and unlocked it. When he pulled the door open he was met with Summer's unusual worry-strained face.

Ryan smiled at her warmly, despite his current mood, "Hey Summer," and he looked at her quizzically, "You after Seth? Well surprisingly enough, he's not here. He's up in the –"

"Uh, actually," Summer cut in, "I was hoping I could talk to you." Her eyes filled with a deeper element of concern and Ryan did little but guess why she was here. "Can I come in?"

His smiled faded and he nodded slowly, "Sure."

Ryan opened the door wider for Summer to step in. They exchanged glances before she proceeded, "It's about Marissa."

Again Ryan nodded, the same distant sadness in his eyes, but he didn't respond just yet.

She fought back silent tears as she continued. "I'm really worried about her Ryan." she whispered.

Ryan looked her back in the eye. "Me too, Summer."

By now the tears pricked her face. "I mean have you seen her? She looks terrible! She's losing weight, sh-she's avoiding everyone at school, she's making up excuses."

"I know." Ryan answered, and he sat down tiredly back on the bed and covered his face with his hands, "I know. I haven't stopped thinking about her."

Summer's face fell even further as she looked at Ryan's sunken face and she knew at once that he was at as much a loss as she was. She shook her head, "So you don't know what's wrong either?"

Ryan shook his head, "Believe me Summer, if I knew, I wouldn't be here right now."

Even though she knew his answer would be something like that, knowing that Ryan also didn't know brought even greater sadness to her. She dropped her head and wiped away the now rapidly falling tears from her face. "I just don't know what to do! She always used to be so honest with me…" her voiced trailed off as she struggled to say what was coming next, "but _now_… she's just a… a completely –"

"– different person." Seth's flat voice grasped both Ryan's and Summer's attention. They both looked at him as Seth also stepped into the poolhouse and closed the door behind him.

"Cohen!" relieved to see him, Summer wrapped her arms around him, crying into his shoulder. Seth rubbed her back gently and kissed her on the forehead.

"Did you tell Ryan what happened today?" Summer asked him. As he shook her head, a confused frown covered Ryan's face.

Seth and Summer took a seat on the bed while Ryan looked at them.

"Tell me what?"

Summer spoke in between her tears, "Well, Seth was going to tell you this afternoon…"

"…but I thought I'd wait until tonight so we could all discuss it together," Seth finished.

Ryan nodded and waited expectantly.

Seth sighed, "Okay, well today at lunch, I caught Marissa throwing her entire lunch out into the bin. So I decided I'd talk to her… try and coax some of… _whatever _it is out of her." He paused and looked across to Ryan who was busily processing the information. He took a breath and continued, "So, it started out fine, but straight away I knew she was hiding something. And Ryan, as I asked her about the food thing…" Seth looked into oblivion as a look of utter confusion came over his face, "…she looked so sad…. and… and so scared…" Ryan nodded, eyes facing towards the ground, and waited for more. "So, I decided to change the subject, you know, try and cheer her up… I, I can't even remember what I said… something about her sweater or something I guess, and the next thing I know, she's screaming at me, telling me to keep out of it and leave her alone. Then she just walked off crying."

"…and so that explains why she looked so upset when I found her at her locker," Ryan concluded.

Seth then remembered something else that he'd nearly forgotten, "Oh! And another thing happened." Both Ryan and Summer looked at him expectantly, "As I watched her get up from the table…" Seth wracked his brains for the right words to describe it, "…I dunno, it was almost as if she _flinched_… or something… like she was in pain."

"In _pain?_" Ryan echoed. That was certainly news to him, and it appeared to be news to Summer as well.

Seth shrugged at their faces, "But I could be wrong… I mean, I was a fair way away."

"Well, I think," Summer said, "whatever happened happened sometime over the weekend when you two were in Miami. I mean, she was absolutely _fine _before that."

Ryan agreed, "And when I rang her after I came home, she didn't sound like herself."

"Okay," Seth nodded, "So what did she do that weekend while we were gone?"

Ryan already had the answer to that one, "She was with Trey. She was helping him find a job."

That led Ryan to inform the two of them about his argument with his brother and Jess in the courtyard that afternoon. Summer was positively fuming over Jess's snide comments.

"God! That crack-smacking-condom-sucking _skank_!" Despite everything, Ryan and Seth couldn't help but chuckle at Summer's outburst.

"Couldn't have said it better myself," Ryan replied with a grin.

The moment passed and the atmosphere turned once again solemn and grave. Seth looked at Ryan, unsure whether he should ask, but eventually spoke, "Ryan… you don't suppose… Trey and Marissa… you don't think they may have..."

"…hooked up?" Ryan answered. He wasn't angry or offended, but instead seemed prepared. Ryan stared at their fallen expressions and shrugged wearily and sighed. "At…at first, I _did_ have perhaps a small suspicion that something like that might have happened. I mean, everything kinda points to that answer if you think about it."

Summer cut in shaking her head, "No, Ryan! Marissa would never do that to you. She'd never betray you like that." She gestured to him, "she told me so herself how happy she was to be back with you after all this time."

Ryan smiled sadly and nodded at her, letting her know silently that he no longer had those thoughts through his mind. Summer returned the smile_. He really _does_ love her_, she thought.

For what seemed like hours, the three of them sat in complete silence, running through everything that had been shared; trying to piece everything together.

At last Seth said, "Well, we have to get it out of her some how. She's killing herself keeping it a secret."

There was another silence. Summer looked at Ryan, "So… what do we do?"

Ryan exchanged glances with the two of them. For a moment he didn't know _what _to do. Everything seemed hopeless, no matter what he, or anyone did.

He looked around the room, trying to breathe away the emotion in his throat, when he caught sight once again of the photo. Simply staring at her once happy face gave him the determination he needed, and he then was reminded of a promise:

_No matter what_.

He turned to Seth and Summer, swallowed and nodded at both of them.

"Whatever it takes."

**X**

The next morning, Marissa stumbled out of the bathroom and almost collapsed to the floor. She felt so weak! She could hardly lift her head anymore; she could barely walk straight; couldn't see properly in front of her. She'd had no sleep, no food and hardly any water. And even after an entire week her bruises had scarcely healed at all. The same ugly black marks still stained her skin and a constant swell of pain clung to her. Her wrists were so itchy they burnt with irritation without resistance.

She staggered over to the bed and fell forward, catching herself by her arms from falling into the sheets. She breathed deeply and loudly as a tear slid off her nose. She hated herself; she despised herself. She was making everything so much worse for everyone. What was she going to do? She couldn't keep going like this. She couldn't keep this burden much longer. But she couldn't tell anyone either. She was trapped, pressed down by this weight of sadness and guilt.

Marissa turned her sights to her beloved photograph – the one with her and Ryan together at the Kick-off Carnival. The image brought further sadness to her. She sobbed audibly. That picture seemed like such a lie now. She couldn't even remember what it felt like to be happy anymore. That sensation had completely expired from her.

But she couldn't linger he any longer. She had to make it to school; had to make it one day at a time. And with a considerable heave of strength she stood up straight, picked up her bag and walked out the door of her secret haven to face yet another day of torture.

**X**

Ryan walked in to the school alone. As he entered through the doors he saw the banner promoting the Junior Prom for that night. It had been the subject of all talk for the passed few days, but this was the first time he'd noticed it, let alone known it was on at all. Immediately he thought of asking Marissa, but had the distinct feeling that the Prom was the furthest thing from her mind as well.

He thought back to the previous night and remembered the pact he, Seth and Summer had all made. The best thing for Marissa right now was to let her know that no one is going to leave her or give up to her... _no matter what _happens.

He walked through the halls and caught sight of her at her locker, looking more exhausted and ill than she ever had. He watched her as she finished unpacking her books, and then weakly rested her head on the door of the locker. She looked so sad. Breathing deeply, he approached her, at first unsure of what to say when he reached her.

"Hey," he said quietly.

Marissa jumped, startled and spun around. Ryan tried not to let her see the great wave of worry that consumed him at the sight of her ashened face. Marissa looked to the floor, "Hi."

Her heart began to thump. She couldn't bear to look at him anymore. If she didn't look up, it wouldn't be as hard to lie.

But Ryan went on, maintaining his soft voice, "So," he said, "Do you want to go with me to the Prom tonight?"

Marissa gasped. That was _tonight?_ She was supposed to be organising it as well! _Well,_ she thought, _obviously _someone_ had prepared it_, so that was soon the least of her worries.

_Ryan_ was asking her to the Prom? Despite everything that had happened? Despite her behaviour? Despite the horrible secret he knew she was keeping from him? He was! And for the first time in too long, her heart was filled with something other than pain or sorrow, but instead… _thankfulness… contentment_. And at last she looked up at him and for the first time since everything… she _smiled_ at him.

Ryan too was relieved. "What? You didn't think I'd forgotten did you?" he frowned jokingly.

Marissa side-glanced, embarrassed, "Well… I had." She bit her lip.

And at that Ryan grinned and nodded, "Yeah, me too!"

All of a sudden, Marissa found herself… _giggling!_ Ryan smiled at her lovingly. At last he was getting through to her… something was happening. It was small… but it was something.

For an extended moment they just stood looking at each other, before Ryan spoke up, "So you want to?"

Marissa was unsure. Should she? She wasn't sure if she was ready for that. What if this was as far as she could go? She sighed, and looked at him, her expression transforming, "Ryan… I- "

"Isn't this a nice picture!" came a voice that made both of their blood boil over. Simultaneously, Ryan and Marissa turned their attention to Jess, who posed in front of them, her arms wrapped around her books.

Ryan snarled, "What _now_ Jess?" He saw Marissa shudder at the corner of his eye.

Jess shrugged, smiling, "Nothing. I was just walking by and heard the mention of Prom and I _had_ to stop!"

Scoffing, Ryan shook his head in disbelief, "That's bullshit Jess. You're a Senior. You're Prom's not until next week."

Jess nodded, "That's true, Ryan. Good to see you're keeping up with the times," she rolled her eyes. "But pass up a chance to party and get a fix? I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Marissa had a bad feeling about where this was heading. She glanced over nervously to Ryan, whose jaw bone was clenched tight with fury.

"You really _are _one messed up slut," said Ryan.

"I don't know Ryan," Jess's eyes flashed with delight and she turned her gaze to Marissa, who was gripping her bag. Jess smiled and didn't draw her eyes away from her, "takes one to know one, huh Cooper?"

Despite his anger, Ryan couldn't help but look at Marissa. A ripple of shock seemed to pass through her body from head to toe. Ryan's heart began to beat.

Marissa felt like she'd been stabbed by a spear. Her eyes filled once again with tears, "I-I've gotta go. Sorry Ryan." She was so humiliated!

Before Marissa had a chance to get out of earshot, Jess threw her one last assault, "Okay Coop! Guess I'll see you there tonight then… Oh! And Trey'll be there too!"

Marissa stopped. The feeling was indescribable. Across her eyes, fleeting images of Trey and that horrible night replayed themselves. All her senses were blazing. Ryan watched her with wild concern and confusion. She seemed to melt into the ground before his very eyes.

Jess leaned against the locker, a grin across her face.

Marissa spun around, trembling and tears sliding down. Her eyes were shrivelled with obscene fear. Then, to Ryan's horror, her entire body gave way. Her knees buckled and her eyes rolled to the top of her head. As she began to fall limply, Ryan got behind her and caught her. "Marissa!"

Then the moment passed and Marissa was aware of herself again in Ryan's arms. Images of the night on the beach punched at her once again. Then everything climaxed and she gave a piercing whimper.

"_Get off me!"_ terrified, she pushed Ryan hard away from her. Ryan was shocked and breathless. By now most of the students stood transfixed and watching, including Seth and Summer.

"What is it, Marissa?" Ryan breathed, utterly confused.

Jess simply stood back with that same fake smile across her face.

"I'm so sorry Ryan!" Marissa whimpered through blinding tears. "I have to get out of here!"

And with that, oblivious to the dozens of pairs of eyes that were watching her go, Marissa ran towards the exit and disappeared down the road just as the bell rang to go to first class.

When the excitement had passed, the Harbor students lost interest and began making their way to their subjects, including Jess. But Ryan stayed back, staring furiously at the door to the building, trying to make sense of how the hell things could have gone from considerably bad to so much worse. What did Jess mean by all those comments? Why had Marissa fainted?

"You okay buddy?" came Seth's voice, then comforting hand on his shoulder. Ryan turned to see both he and a crying Summer behind him.

"Oh my God Ryan," Summer choked, "That was just… _horrible!_"

The three of them stood silently in the middle of the deserted hall. Ryan nodded, and looked to the ground to calm his aching head. He was so hurt and angry. But he wasn't going to give in. He wasn't going to abandon her. He'd made a promise.

He raised his head and looked at them. "We shook on it. We're _not_ giving up."

**X**

That night Seth and Summer sat outside Marissa's house in the car. Both were dressed in their Prom outfits, but the Prom was the last thing on their minds. They exchanged glances.

"Are you sure about this?" Seth asked nervously. "I mean, are you sure we don't need Ryan?"

Summer sighed, and turned to Seth and pleaded, "Seth, I'm her best friend. I need to at least try. I can't just sit back and watch her."

Seth smiled weakly, "Okay. Do you want me to come with you?" he asked.

But Summer shook her head, "It's okay Cohen," she leant in and kissed him softly on the cheek. "I'll be back."

Summer stepped out of the car. A flurry of emotions were running through her. She hadn't seen Marissa since the morning, and no one had heard from her. Summer remembered the pact and tried to tell herself that _all_ wanted was to let her friend know there was always an ear open if she wanted to talk. She didn't want Marissa to give up on her friendships. But no matter how much she wanted to follow this philosophy, she couldn't deny that she was also angry at Marissa for doing this to everyone. Whatever she was keeping, it was doing far more harm to everyone than good.

Summer was about to knock on the door, but didn't have to when she saw it was already open. Julie was out _yet again._ "God! That is one busy MILF!" she mumbled.

As she climbed up the stairs, the strings in veins tightened. She wasn't sure what good this was going to do, or whether it would do any at all. Still, she had to at least try, for everyone's sake.

"Coop?" she knocked on the door.

Marissa drew the blade from her wrist and stared at the tapping door in terror.

"_Shit!"_ she whispered sharply and Marissa quickly slipped on a thick sweater to cover up the leaking blood.

She walked timidly towards the door and opened it. When she saw Summer dressed in her beautiful magenta gown, a shudder went up her spine.

Summer frowned and wasted no time, "Why aren't you dressed yet? We're going to be late."

Marissa shook her head sadly, "I'm not going Sum."

Summer's heart sank. She had to stay calm. She was here to _help_ Marissa, not to freak her out even more. She tried again, "But Ryan's going to be waiting for you there."

Marissa hid her face, "I can't go Summer."

Summer wasn't done, "Sorry Coop, but _yes_ you are." And she made her way to Marissa's closet despite her protests. She opened the doors, and began searching through her dresses. "Okay, let's see what we've got here."

Marissa could feel her patience dwindling. It wasn't Summer's fault. She was only trying to cheer her up… but she just couldn't handle this. Still, though, Summer did not let up.

"The white strapless Gucci?"

"Um, no thanks."

"I agree. Something less bridal. Oh! I know, the red Prada. Colour of power!"

"No." she said in between clenched teeth. Why couldn't she just drop this!

"Fine, so something more beachy then. How about your blue Chanel?"

"I don't think so."

Summer closed her eyes to calm herself. She couldn't lose it. She couldn't give up. _Stick to the pact!_

Marissa breathed deeply, trying to stop herself from doing something she'd regret. It wouldn't be fair to take this out on Summer. She could never do that to her best friend.

"The _black _Gucci? They say black is _so_ last year, but nothing says 'sexy' better than-"

"- Oh for Christ's sake Summer! Just piss off!" Marissa snapped and yelled the words before she could think what she'd just done.

Summer froze and stared with teary eyes at Marissa. She was at first too shocked to respond until her voice returned, "_What_ did you say me?" she said dangerously.

Marissa felt numb. She covered her mouth with her trembling hand. What had she done! "I-I'm s-sorry Summer, I didn't mean to-"

"You know what Marissa? Forget it!" Summer cut in loudly. "You know? All week I have tried to be there for you, I've tried not to let it get to me like this. But it's just too hard." Marissa was silent and she watched Summer as she wiped her eyes furiously, "You keep lying to me, and I'm tired of seeing you like this; tired of finding you so upset. And… I'm really sorry about whatever is that's gone wrong in your life, but how am I… how is _anyone_ supposed to help you when you won't tell anyone the truth?"

Tears streaked Marissa's face now too and both looked at each other with wrenched expressions. Summer went on, "And you're hurting us Marissa. You're hurting me, you're hurting yourself," she paused and bit her lip, "and you're hurting Ryan… so much… he's, he's trying so hard, but he's not going to be able to do this for much longer Coop."

Before Marissa had a chance to reply, Summer turned and walked slowly out of the room and down the stairs to Seth. Seth saw her exit the house in tears and opened the door for her, "Didn't go so well?" he asked sweetly after she'd calmed down.

Summer raised her head from his shoulder after a moment and looked at him desperately, "We need Ryan."

**X**

Meanwhile, Marissa still stood frozen up in her room. What had she done! She'd screwed up so bad! Her mind was clouded full of voices and images. Trey. The beach. Screaming. The pain. The bruises. The hysteria. The release. The blood. Ryan. The hiding. The phone conversation. The lying. The guilt. The regret. The sweater. Summer. Seth. Jess. The Prom. The fight. The secret.

It was too much, and all of a sudden an unbelievable burst of emotion exploded from her body. In a blinding fit of rage, Marissa began throwing anything she could put her finger on. She screamed and yelled through her tears. She was aware of the sound smashing glass but she couldn't stop. She ran to her dressing table and swiped up all her perfumes and threw them at the wall. She ripped her clock out of its socket in the wall, and hurdled it across the room. She picked up an old glass of water and chucked it to the ground. She didn't care what it was; she didn't _know _what it was. But she couldn't stop.

She screamed again, and with one last surge of strength picked up one last object and slammed into the wall. But the sound that came from the smashing object brought her back to reality. Her eyes came back into focus just in time to see her beloved photoframe of her and Ryan shatter into pieces. Marissa stopped and stared transfixed.

"Oh no!" she whimpered. "No, no, no!" she got her knees and started picking up the beads of glass that had crippled from the frame and tried fitting them back in. It was hopeless. She picked up the photo frame gingerly, but the entire thing fell apart in her fingers. A tear leaked down her cheek. It wasn't broken! It _couldn't _be broken. But it was. The naked photo was in her hands now. It was creased and a little ripped. Marissa stroked it gently. Her heart was beating fast. She turned it over to read the inscription on the back.

_Dear Marissa,_

_I'm not good with notes… er, yeah. But this photo idea thing of yours… not so corny!_

_But I guess… thankyou for always being there for me._

_I love you._

_Ryan._

"Oh Ryan!" she sobbed. She kissed the photo gently and rested it on her hot cheek. "I'm sorry Ryan!"

She put the photo down and bowed her head. She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't keep this up any longer. She couldn't tell him the truth. She couldn't tell him a lie. She was lost and couldn't be found anymore.

She needed to end it.

With her mind a mess with so many thoughts, Marissa barely knew what she was doing when she got up from the floor and made her way outside the room. She walked aimlessly down the hall to Caleb's deserted study. She knew where he kept it. Her Mom had mentioned it a couple of times. She entered the room and made her way to the bottom draw of the desk. She opened and revealed the silver pistol.

Quivering, she reached in and took hold of the gun. Her eyes wide with panic, she walked back into her room, the gun in her hand and shut the door silently behind her.

**Oh! Sorry it was such a long chapter! I didn't intend to make it this long! Haha! But there was so much to include, and I didn't want to haul it over to another chapter otherwise it would have destroyed some of the major links! Still, I hope you enjoyed it! Can't wait til next time! Love Hannah!**


	9. Bleed

**YIKES! I never would have thought I'd get so much great feedback for my last chapter! It was very humbling, so thankyou all very, very much! I'm on my school holidays for the next week, so hopefully I'll be able to make some quick updates! I love writing and it's a real pleasure to write this story for you guys! So let's get on with the next chapter eh? Love Hannah xox**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the OC... so sad.**

**Warning: Language: Throughout this story, I have used swear words to help emphasise the mood of the scene. I'll firstly start by saying that I actually NEVER swear in real life. I'm actually kind of against it. However, I like to put myself in the character's shoes when I write and sometimes a swear word seems necessary for the scene. That being said, I just wanted to warn readers that this chapter in particular gets fairly… let's say… _verbal_ haha! So I just thought I'd include this little warning in case anyone got a little shocked! Haha!**

**Okies… NOW on with the next chapter! Enjoy and as always R+R!**

**CHAPTER 9: BLEED**

Ryan sat at one of the beautifully decorated tables. He sighed miserably as he tried to block out the umpteen smartly dressed couples who pranced and danced around him. He was alone, and was fairly certain things would stay that way that way that night. He hadn't spoken or heard from Marissa since the disastrous morning before. He'd knocked on her front door but she hadn't opened. He'd phoned her but she hadn't answered. He'd text her but she hadn't replied. Everything was just so screwed up now.

Actually, Ryan could hardly believe that he'd actually gone through with this whole Prom thing if he knew she wouldn't show up. He was just fooling himself really, but he was still clinging on to the strand of hope that she would. He'd left her a voice message telling her he'd be waiting for her... but… he questioned whether she'd even listened.

The drone of the current love song that was being played pierced through Ryan's ears and scratched at his skull. All the colour had been drained from his world… and the saddest thing was… he had no idea why.

"You look as if you'd rather set fire to this place," came sudden familiar voice. Ryan raised his heavy head and saw Trey standing there. His hands dug into the pockets of his creased tuxedo. His hair was unkempt; face slightly unshaven; dark circles clouded his eyes. He looked as if he'd been in bed for a week.

The two glowered at each other for a brief moment. Then Ryan relented, "Like wise," he replied flatly and nodded at his appearance. Trey snorted and a hint of a smile of understanding formed on his face. Ryan couldn't help but give him the same.

"Look at us man," Trey shrugged, "Attending a Newport Prom. Who would'a thought? Two years ago we would have gotten our heads smashed in if we'd said that."

Ryan turned his eyes to the tablecloth, "I guess," then he titled his head back up to his older brother, "But things are different now right?"

Oddly, Trey seemed unnerved by this comment and he shuffled uneasily on his feet. But almost as quickly he collected himself and nodded at Ryan.

"Right."

The two of them exchanged stares at each other. Ryan didn't know what had gotten into Trey these last few days, but whatever it was, he wanted to at least set their differences aside for this one night.

Ryan sighed and stood up, not breaking his gaze from Trey, "So… we good?" he extended a fisted hand.

Trey's eyes wandered nervously as he seemed to consider a truce. Finally though, he knocked his knuckles against Ryan's and he nodded, "Yeah. We're good."

Despite this however, Ryan still saw the undeniable flash of fear that flickered through Trey's eyes. Trey fiddled with the knot of his tie and cleared his throat nervously, "I'm, uh, gonna go look around the place," he said, "It's not everyday I get to be in a place like this."

Ryan eyed Trey unsurely, trying to uncover a hint or clue regarding his brother's blatant attempt to get away from him. But nevertheless Ryan nodded, "Sure."

Trey soon disappeared into the sea of partying Harbor students and Ryan, watching him go with a spinning head sat back down at the otherwise deserted table.

A few lonely and incomprehensible minutes passed and there was still no sign of Marissa. Ryan tried to cheer himself up with the reassurance that Seth and Summer would soon be here to make him feel a little better, but thus far even that wasn't helping.

His mood was not at all helped with the arrival of Jess. Ryan thought he'd never see the day when he'd catch her out of her slut attire and wearing something remotely elegant… if you considered a virtually see-through mini-gown as elegant. Ryan rolled his eyes as she approached him sultrily. He glared at her fiercely.

"Poor Atwood," Jess said in her usual way, "Sitting here all alone without a soul in the world to talk to you."

"You're making excellent progress by not considering yourself one," Ryan snorted. It took every muscle in his body not to smash her head inside out.

"You're so quick off the mark," Jess poked. Her eyes flared dangerously, "So Marissa decided not to show up in the end?"

"She thinks _and _she's got eyes!" Ryan snarled. At that he'd had enough. He wasn't going to hang around here any longer. The strand of hope had officially snapped. She wasn't coming and he wasn't going to be butchered by Jess's crap as a substitute.

"Okay, well when you see Marissa again… that's _if_ you see her again," Ryan turned around slowly and drilled an icy glare her way, "tell her Trey says 'Hi!'."

Ryan shook his head bitterly in disgust and made his way through the oblivious crowd to the door. It was at that same exact moment when Seth and Summer appeared at the entrance. Ryan noticed Summer slightly run make-up and Seth's considerably flushed cheeks almost immediately and knew something was up.

"Hey," he said hesitantly and his eyes wandered between the two, "What took you two so long?"

Summer spoke first, "Thank God you're still here!" Ryan saw her whole body lightly shaking. Her voice was unsteady.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"You need to come. Right now," Seth answered. "We were just at Marissa's…"

Ryan's eyes widened.

Summer nodded and continued, "…and she lost it on me. Like she did at Cohen." She looked at Ryan in a way he'd never seen her look before. She was utterly desperate and determined in one. Her eyes were livid with fury and fear combined, "This has to end now. Tonight. It's driving everyone crazy and people are getting hurt."

Ryan looked at their distressed faces in vain. His usual first instinct would be to go to Marissa's house and have yet another go himself, but he'd lost so much heart. He was exhausted. He was on the verge of giving up. He sighed mournfully, "But we've tried so many times. If we do this again how is it going to be different from all the _other_ times?" He looked to the ground as a wash of emotion threatened to overwhelm him. "Why me?" he added quietly.

Summer didn't give up. She took hold of Seth's hand. She stepped towards Ryan. And then slipped her second hand into his. All three of them were now linked. Ryan looked up again and looked at her and Seth. Summer spoke barely audibly, but the force was seething in her voice. "Because I _know_ that whatever had happened to Marissa has something to do with you. Because you're the one she wants to tell the least," she paused and let a tear fall down her face before she continued, "And because you're the one she wants to tell the most."

There was a spine-snapping silence as Summer's powerful words registered in Ryan's mind and he was suddenly filled with a sensational swell of new determination to a level he'd never felt. What was he thinking! He _couldn't_ give up. Not now. Not ever. Ryan took a deep, long breath and at length nodded at Summer in particular.

It was time.

"Okay," he said to the two of them, "Let's go."

**X**

Through her blinding silent tears, Marissa sat on her bed and stared numbly at the weapon she held before her. She'd been sitting here for what seemed like days, just staring. Was she really going to do this? Was this the only way? In all her life she'd never imagined she'd be here. She never would have guessed this would be the final days she'd live: invaded; humiliated; broken.

As she began to register what she was about to do, her mind thought back to her not so distant past. She remembered standing out on the driveway of her old home, looking through her cell, waiting for her boyfriend to pick her up, and wondering if this was the way her life would be. Was this it? Was there nothing else beyond the life she was already so bored of? Then he had appeared; standing there with the cigarette hanging from his mouth; his over-confident speech; his obvious sign that he did not belong. And she'd wondered at that moment if maybe… just maybe… things would change.

Over the span of that emotional summer and then beyond he'd found her; guided her; saved her. He'd confronted his fears for her; protected her; forgiven her. He'd accepted her; embraced her… _loved _her.

And this was the thanks he was getting? A liar and now a coward. She'd forgotten who she was. All her identity had fleeted from her the night she'd been attacked. She'd hurt Ryan too much. She'd dragged her down with her. She didn't want to do this anymore. By doing this… she was saving him from any pain she was feeling.

Marissa lifted her hand, quivering and reached down to take hold of the gun. Tears streamed her face. She was blind to sight; deaf to sounds; dumb to words…

…But this was the only way…

**X**

Ryan pulled up in the Land Rover outside Marissa's house. Quietly he turned off the ignition and for a moment all that could be heard was the eerie rustling of the palms outside. He turned to Seth and Summer who sat hand in hand at the back. All three of them were reeled with anticipation and uncertainty.

Ryan breathed, "Okay. I'll go in," he looked between the two of them nervously, "This might take a while," his tone then turned low and deadly serious, "But whatever happens, don't let anyone else in the house. If her Mom comes home, think of something to drive her away."

Seth and Summer nodded solemnly. Then Seth spoke up, "I hate to be the barer of negativity and all but…" he gulped, "What if this doesn't work?"

Ryan looked into space. Seth had a relevant point. They'd been so caught up at the objective to get this out tonight that they'd hardly considered the worst case scenario. Finally however, Ryan decided he wouldn't _let _there be a worse case scenario. He'd do whatever it took, "I'm not going to leave until she tells me the truth," he said lowly.

Seth nodded and slapped Ryan on the shoulder, "Good luck man."

"We'll be here," Summer assured him. And Ryan exited the car…

**X**

_I wonder what death is like?_ Marissa began thinking to herself. _I wonder if there _is _a God, and whether Heaven is as wonderful as they say?_ Marissa was standing now, holding the gun in her hand. _Did death hurt? Did it take a long time to happen, or was it instant?_ Would she regret it? What if it didn't work?

Her heart began to pound… the pounding of a heart on its final beats…

* * *

Ryan pushed though the ajar front door and made his way to the staircase. He took them took two steps at a time. His mind was a flurry. His stomach was aching…

* * *

Marissa began raising the pistol to her head. A look of obscene terror and shock consumed her…

* * *

He was almost at the top. Just three steps to go…

* * *

Three…

* * *

…two…

* * *

_One._

* * *

"_Maris-"_

At that precise moment, Ryan grabbed the handle on the door and barged it open. What he saw was beyond any nightmare his mind could have ever conjured. He watched in complete horror as Marissa's eye-whites flashed and she dropped the pistol, petrified, to the floor at the sight of him.

"_Holy…fuck."_ And before he had a chance to contain them, tears erupted from Ryan's eyes. He considered through his blistered mind what might have happened if he'd arrived any later. The emotion was suffocating.

At last, Marissa realised herself again. She took one look at Ryan's collapsing state and all the numbness that had surrounded her fled from her body. Suddenly _every last inch_ of her began to blaze in blinding, unendurable pain. Her bruises pressed back into her chest. Her weariness punched back at her eyes. Her hunger scratched back into her stomach. But most and worst of her, beneath her large, hot sweater, her bloody wrists ignited with sheer agony unlike anything she'd ever felt. It was as if every last wound had reopened. The excruciation winded her as she looked at Ryan's distraught face through her own hot tears. And for many long moments all either could do was stare through their severe faces.

Finally, Ryan found himself again, although his entire body now quivered uncontrollably. His voice returned breathlessly, "_What the…? What were you doing…? Why did you…?"_

"Just go, Ryan!" Marissa pleaded through heavy, gutful sobs. She covered her swollen eyes with her shaking hand.

"_Are you fucking insane!"_ the emotion of what he'd just seen was once again overwhelming him.

"It's better this way!" she shrieked.

Ryan scoffed huskily, the knot in his throat but tightening, "Oh right! So blowing your brains out is supposed to make this all better huh!"

Marissa could feel every bit of her frame rattling; like the calm before the plunge. Her strength was waning fast, but she _had to… _just _HAD TO_ get it through his head, "You don't understand!"

"_What _Marissa, _what?_ _What _the hell is it that I don't understand?" Ryan began to step closer.

"You have to leave. _Now!_"

Ryan didn't give up and he stepped closer, "_Tell me!_ What is it you're keeping from me?"

"_Get out of here Ryan!"_

"_God-damn-it Marissa I'm not leaving until you tell me what the hell is so wrong that you need a fucking gun to end it!"_

Both were out of breath and Marissa stood heaving loudly. The tears continued leaking from her eyes. "Fine," she wheezed, "Then I'll leave." And she made a surge for the door.

But Ryan was there to stop her. He stepped in front of her blocking her throughway.

"No, no. You're not going anywhere."

"_Move!"_

"_Not _until you tell me what's going on." Ryan replied lowly. His voice wavered and he struggled to keep it steady under the emotion. He thought the strands in his throat were about to snap.

Marissa tried pushing through him once again, this time with a fierce bout of force, "_Get out of the way!_" she could hardly make Ryan out behind her watery vision.

Marissa was surprisingly strong and almost got away from him. At a final attempt Ryan lurched for Marissa's wrist as she made her way to the door. "Marissa _don't do this!_" he bellowed furiously. And at that he grabbed her wrist and began pulling her back.

Marissa felt Ryan's hand clamp hard onto her aching wrist. The pain grated at her so sharply she gave piercing whimper.

Immediately Ryan ceased as he witnessed her sickening ripple of pain.

He stopped.

Then she stopped.

They were silent.

His hand was still fixed around her wrist. He looked down briefly at her thick winter sweater. Then he raised his eyes back to Marissa's paralysed expression.

Ryan heaved, "Did I… _hurt_ you?"

The fear was flooding out of her face, but even _now_ Marissa was avoiding him. "No!" she said defensively. Her voice broke. "I'm fine!"

Ryan was suddenly hit with a realisation. _Why _hadn't he seen it before! The sweaters! The sweaters in _spring_! It was so _obvious_ now! _Why_ hadn't he realised? A swell of images clouded his vision, then they cleared and he looked at Marissa with a film of tears over his eyes.

"Show me your wrists." He said very, _very _clearly.

Marissa's heart slammed against her ribcage so hard it hurt. Innately she pulled her sweater sleeves farther over her hands. "No." she squeaked.

Ryan tried again. He was losing his cool, but he needed for her to do this herself. "_Pull up…_ your sleeve," he said through clamped jaws. He could feel his pulse in his head.

"I'm outta here!" Marissa made a final attempt for the door. But Ryan's unbreakable hand pulled once again on her wrist. The pain swelled once again and she gave another crippling whimper.

"Show me."

Loud sobs burst from Marissa's mouth. "Letgo Ryan!_"_ she pleaded desperately.

"_Show me."_

"Let go!"

"_NOW!"_ he was on the brink of insanity. His body burnt. The tears streamed down Marissa's face as she fought desperately. _Stop fighting it! _He got his other arm and wrapped in around her waist to prevent her fierce, yet weakening attempts to get away from him. She was relenting. Not long now.

Marissa felt Ryan's arm around her and knew she was failing. She was falling. _"GET OFF!"_ she screamed with her very final breath of strength. But she was already gone. At that, she yield to Ryan's hold. She melted her head into his shoulder and cried the agonising sobs into his shoulder.

Unable to contain them, the film of emotion released from Ryan's own eyes. He went with Marissa and wrapped his arms tight around her.

"I want to die! I want to die!" she choked sickeningly. "I want to die! I want to die!"

The words echoed through his ears and this only made him hold her tighter. They began buckling to the floor, still embraced; Marissa still leaking her emotions into his shoulder.

"You're not going to die," Ryan whispered back. "You're not going to die. You're still here and you don't have to do this anymore."

They finally came to the floor. And slowly and steadily Ryan pulled away from Marissa. Gently she lifted up her quivering hand. He knew what he would find but didn't know if he could handle seeing it. Ryan looked at Marissa's teary face and a wave of trust more powerful than they had ever shared passed between them.

Taking a deep breath, Ryan began slipping the sleeve up her arm. What he was met with made everything in his body turn inside out. The sight literally broke his heart. Too many wounds to count were slashed all the way up to her elbow joint. Some of them were now just scratches, but many… _too_ many, were seeping with hot, sick blood. The skin around the cuts was painfully red and raw with irritation. To his dismay, it was all the same story on the other wrist. It took him everything not to be completely overwhelmed with sadness at Marissa's mutilated arms.

Ryan looked back at Marissa, who's quiet whimpers were the only sound that escaped her mouth.

At that, without even thinking about it, he picked Marissa up. She was so light! Marissa clung to him as he took her into the bathroom. He tried not to look at the bloody blade that rested in the basin, or the random splashes of blood that stained the white slippery surface. Marissa was almost completely limp when he put her down and drew her arms over the bath tub under the taps. He turned on the cold water.

Marissa yelped in pain as the icy liquid leaked into her scars. The pain at first was choking, then almost as quickly it receded and she gave in to the water's soothing stroke. Almost immediately she felt ounces of strength re-enter her broken body.

**X**

Trey stepped back into the ballroom, looking around nervously, making sure he could not see Ryan anywhere. He could hardly believe he'd actually agreed to come here tonight. He was making everything so much worse by seeing him; lying to him. The longer Ryan went without knowing the truth, the more anxious he became.

"There you are!" came Jess's unbearable purr from the dance-floor. Trey rolled his eyes. He was truly beginning to detest this girl.

"If you're going ask me to dance you can stick it up your ass," he growled.

But Jess wasn't interested in dancing or asses. She shook her head at him with a smile pasted across her face. Trey looked at it unsurely, "What?"

Jess shrugged, "_Man_ are youin trouble!"

Immediately, Trey was unnerved. He began looking around furiously, "Why?" he spat, "Where's Ryan?"

Still smiling, Jess answered him, "He's gone. Summer Roberts and that dog-shit of a boyfriend of hers showed up not ten minutes ago; said they needed Ryan… _urgently_."

A sickening kick got Trey in the stomach, "Jess you better not be fucking with me."

"Oh I think you've done enough of that lately, don't you think?" retorted Jess calmly. She looked at her watch and then returned a delighted look at Trey, "He'd be at Marissa just about now I should think."

He felt like vomiting. "S_hit!_" And without wasting another second, Trey was running towards the entrance.

He had not time to waste.

**X**

"_Why _Marissa?" Ryan stoked her sweat-drenched fringe. His healing hand caressed up and down her quaking back. He shook his head and looked at her with petrified eyes. "Was it me? Did I do something to…"

More tears bled from her eyes, "_No!_ It wasn't you."

"Then_ what_ Marissa? _What's_ made you do this?"

Terrified for Ryan to learn the truth, Marissa just shook her head again and remained silent. Even the cool water's release wasn't going to save her now. Deep down she knew she was about to tell him, but the hardest part was going to be finding the words.

She heaved a lead-like breath, "I thought he just drunk. I thought he just needed some air. So I offered to go for a walk on the beach to clear his head… I didn't know he'd taken drugs!" Marissa's shuddered at the memories that flooded her mind. Ryan did not break eye contact with her. "I thought he was just joking… but then…" the gutful sobs returned and she looked into oblivion as the frightening images ignited. "I didn't want to! But he didn't get it… and…" she squeaked, "he was too strong!"

Finally, Ryan was beginning to make sense of it. His body sunk as he began to realise what was _really _going on. He didn't want it to be true. It _couldn't_ be true. He let her continue.

Her cries were growing deeper. "He just kept pushing me. Then I fell… and then the next thing I know… he's _on top _of me. And just keeps _pulling_ me and _forcing _me.

By now more tears were in Ryan's eyes as well. He stared at Marissa; unable to come to terms with the truth she was telling him after all this time.

Marissa took another stifling breath. "And…" Ryan watched as slowly, Marissa drew her arms away from the cool tap and began peeling off her sweater. She didn't stop at her t-shirt and soon that too was lying limply on the floor. Marissa revealed her bruised chest to him. Ryan gaped and looked at the blackened marks that marred Marissa's body. He could make out the residue of someone's scraping fingers. Her belly was covered in a horrifying green bruise. He could hardly believe he'd been so oblivious to this for so long and a severe wave of guilt overwhelmed him. Then it passed and Ryan looked back at Marissa, who was still weeping uncontrollably. He needed to ask it. He needed to know. It couldn't be true! She had to prove him wrong.

He gulped, "Who did this Marissa? Who…" he struggled to utter the words without losing it completely, "Who raped you?"

Marissa was riddled with fear. This was it. It was the end. She couldn't bare to look at him, "…_rrry"_ she mumbled. Ryan hardly saw her mouth move. He couldn't hear her.

"Who?" he asked again.

This time she snapped her head up and burst, _"TREY!"_ she bellowed with all the hatred and sadness she'd felt all week exploding through the mention of his name.

She was breathless.

He was breathless.

"_TREY did this!"_

Ryan's entire world went ghostly silent. Marissa's body disappeared from his vision as Ryan looked back at the brother he'd trust his whole life, the brother who'd pushed around, endangered him, provoked him. He'd invited him back in his life; tried to help him. He'd forgiven him. He was dismayed when he remembered that not half an hour ago he had rubbed knuckles with him; could hardly believe he was ready to put their feud behind them.

He was lost for words and for what seemed like an eternity Ryan and Marissa just stared at each other in utter shock.

Through the choking knot in his throat Ryan heaved, "Marissa… I…"

But at that same moment, they became aware of pounding feet coming up the stairs outside and yells from Seth and Summer growing in volume with every passing second. Ryan wasn't sure what was happening. He pressed both his hands against Marissa's burning cheeks and put his forehead against hers. Then just as fast he pulled his forehead away and looked at her desperately, "Stay here," he said quietly. Marissa nodded obediently and Ryan got up from the bathroom floor and walked back into the bedroom.

His emotions flared when he saw a dishevelled Trey taking the final step up the stairs. Summer and Seth were behind him with flushed faces.

The three of them saw Ryan, but Ryan hardly noticed Seth and Summer. His gaze did not falter from Trey's face. He looked at him in a way he thought and prayed he'd never have to. One glimpse at Ryan and Trey knew he knew.

"We're sorry Ryan!" Summer burst, "We tried to stop him! But…" suddenly Summer covered her mouth with her hand and screamed. "Oh my God Ryan why do you have blood on your shirt!" It was then she saw the gun lying on the floor and at first she feared the worst. She began to feel faint.

Ryan looked down and saw the stains of Marissa's wrists on his tuxedo shirt. That was the least of his concerns. He looked up again, "Trey get outside. I'll deal with you in a second." His tone was severe and obscene in a way Seth and Summer had never heard it. Obediently Trey obliged and disappeared out the door and waited down the hall.

Next, Ryan looked back at the two of them, "Wait here." He said. He went back into the bathroom where he found Marissa. Her knees were tucked under her chin and she wrapped her arms around them.

She looked at him paralysed, **"**_He's here! I heard him!"_ she wheezed, quivering.

Ryan picked up her pink t-shirt and gave it to her, "Put this back on Marissa." He said gently. Silently Marissa complied and slipped the shirt over her battered torso. Ryan's heart still pounded from the shock of it all. "How are your arms?" she let him inspect them. They were still bleeding slightly. She was still crying silently, "Come on." He said soothingly and helped her to her feet and began leading her back into the room, "Summer and Seth are here. You don't have to tell them anything if you don't want to, but at least them help you okay?" Marissa nodded silently.

When Marissa emerged from the bathroom, the first thing they saw was her savaged arms. Summer gasped and instant tears came to her face, _"Oh my God!" _she whimpered.

Ryan nodded at the two of them, "Take her downstairs. Keep a cold tap under her wrists. If you can get her to eat something. But _whatever_ you do… do _not _let her back up here." Seth and Summer nodded at him and Ryan handed Marissa over to them.

"Baby!" Summer wrapped a protective arm around her best friend, followed by Seth and Ryan watched Marissa disappear down the stairs. For a brief few seconds he was alone and the weight of the recent events slapped at him.

But it wasn't over yet. It hadn't even begun.

He took a deep breath and opened his tense jaw to call:

"Okay Trey."

**OH! Another long chapter! Sorry! But hopefully one you really liked it! It's the chapter I've been anticipating writing since I made up this story, so I really hope I pulled it off! Tell me how I went! But like Ryan said, it's not over yet! Hehe! I'll see you next time! Again, hope you enjoyed it! Love and Light, Hannah.**


	10. The Paradox of Brotherhood

**Hello everyone! Thankyou all SO much for all your beautiful comments! I know I say it every chapter but constantly I'm amazed and overwhelmed at the popularity of this story and it's really touching! Thankyou thankyou THANKYOU!**

**Ok, well I KNOW I said I'd make some quick updates, but unfortunately I didn't stay entirely true to that goal. Holidays officially ended two days ago, so it was back to the dungeon that is otherwise known as school and GEESH they really like making up for the two weeks of no homework DON'T THEY! So that's why this has taken a while and I apologise! I will nevertheless make a conscious effort to write a chapter a week though so I hope that's a good enough compromise! Sorry about that though!**

**Ok, so once again THANKS SOO MUCH! You have NO idea how much I appreciate it! Sorry for the cliffhanger before too… I'm well aware of the virtual heart-attacks some of you suffered! Lol! Hope you enjoy the next instalment! **

**WARNING: LANGUAGE: Like in the previous chapter, and possibly more so… no wait… DEFINITELY more so, this chapter is quite verbal, so I thought I'd just put in a little briefer to prepare you! Hehe!**

**Love and Light Hannah xoxo.**

**CHAPTER 10: THE PARADOX OF BROTHERHOOD**

In the brief few moments that it took Trey appear through the door, Ryan finally became aware of the disrepair of the bedroom. Everything was broken. Marissa's perfumes lay in shatters, the liquid leaking into the carpet; random pieces of paper remained ripped and scrunched all over the floor. There was broken glass wherever he turned. Seeing these images of Marissa's life in pieces pained him and sickened him to the depths of his heart. He just couldn't believe he'd been so blind! He'd failed her. How could he have not seen the torment she'd endured all by herself?

It was then when one more image came to him, one that crippled him inside. He walked over to it, the heaviness but building in his body. He bent down. And there lay Marissa's beloved photograph them together in happier times _long_ since passed. It lay in ruins. Everything about it had been destroyed. The glass was cracked; the photo was creased; the frame was stained with her blood. The vision welled in his swollen head. For Ryan, it was one more glaring reminder of how very close he had come to losing her forever.

Ryan stood up just in time and saw him enter the room. Trey took a few laboured steps into the bedroom. His hands dug into his pockets. His face was slightly unshaven. His eyes were black with weariness… he looked exactly as he had just half an hour ago; half an hour ago when these two brother's had spoken; half an hour ago when they had shook hands and put their past behind them.

…only been _half an hour _ago!

But now, the person Ryan looked at wasn't his brother. He wasn't his companion. He wasn't his family. He was a nameless figure who stood before him now. He didn't have a face. Everything Ryan had once seen in him had been stripped away. He was just a stranger. That was all he was worth now.

The two of them looked at each other in silence. Neither said a word; neither moved. And as the seconds soon turned to minutes, that was all they did. They just stared.

Until finally, Trey attempted to speak, "Ryan… I-," he began in a voice that could barely be heard under the immense sadness in his throat.

Ryan broke in unforgivingly, "My entire life, you've pushed me around." His tone deadly low and icily quiet; his eyes were stabbing and obscene and seething with anger.

Trey stopped immediately, breathless and his face clouded with dread and fear as Ryan continued, his eyes not waning from his.

"_Everyday_. I was twelve-years-old and you dragged me out of school so I could help you sell the Pot."

Trey tried miserably, "Ry, we were broke. Mom was in rehab. Dad was in court. How else could we've afforded it?"

"What my fifteenth birthday?" he shot immediately. "Instead of letting me go to my own birthday party you made me help you steal cocaine." The memory was still so painful in Ryan's mind.

Trey remained silent, his eyes growing ever darker with guilt and despair.

Ryan shook his head as hot and angry tears surfaced at his eyes, "But I did all those things because I trusted you. I believed that whatever shit you'd get me in one day we'd solve it together the next." He bowed his head in shame. He didn't want this person standing before him to see how utterly broken and furious he was.

Trey remained silent as he watched Ryan deteriorate in front of him. He'd never witnessed his brother so gone before in his life… not even when AJ had hit their mom over the head with the vodka bottle. He wanted to say so much; explain; tell _his_ side of the story. But as usual, the finger of blame was being pointed solely and directly at him. Spurts of anger began to bloom inside…

**

* * *

**

Summer and Marissa sat on the couch in the living room. Seth had run to the kitchen to get an ice pack for her wrists. After Ryan has sent the three of them downstairs not ten minutes ago, Marissa had since come clean with the two of them. The truth after all this time shocked and horrified them.

Through her whimpers and sobs for her best friend, Summer kept her hand clasped carefully, but firmly, in Marissa's, doing whatever tiny deed she could to relieve her of her pain and tears.

The two girls locked glassy eyes with each other, "I just can't get over it! I can't believe I was so stupid!" Summer choked. She was so furious at herself for abandoning Marissa. Regardless of anything that had happened previously that night, she should never have been so angry with her.

Marissa looked at Summer perplexed. She felt considerably calmer now, although the agony had hardly relented, but knowing that she didn't have to be alone any more was comfort she absorbed fully. Still, she was confused with Summer's words, "_You_ were stupid? How do you mean?"

Summer shook her head sorrowfully and wiped away yet another falling tear, "I gave up you Coop!" the words were unbearable to utter. They sounded so raw and terrible. "I just became so angry that you were keeping something from me and I just lost it! You'd never kept anything from me before and I was so angry that you may have forgotten our friendship." She let out an enormous sigh before concluding, "But now I _do _know… and I understand why you kept it from me and it makes me feel horrible. I've been a complete bitch and I'm _so so sorry_ Coop! I'm so sorry!" She couldn't help back the new flow of tears.

This only saddened Marissa more and the guilt consumed her as well, "No Summer! Please don't think like that. I should have told you – _everyone –_ earlier," she breathed labouredly and looked down at her wrists, that were still slightly burning, "this was… the _worst_ ever week… convincing myself that the only way to deal with this was keeping it to myself," several tears bled from her eyes, "and look what I did to myself?" She didn't have the heart to tell them that she'd nearly killed herself. She wanted that to stay between her and Ryan.

At that moment, Seth returned with the ice pack and sat down next to Marissa on the couch. The sight of her wrists made his stomach churn. He felt so sad for her and what she'd gone through, and how this was going to affect Ryan. For everyone's benefit, he was determined to do whatever he could to ease the hurts in what little ways he could. He smiled warmly at Marissa and took her wrist gently and placed the ice on top.

After a brief moment of pain, Marissa breathed calmly and smiled for the first time in too long. "Thanks Cohen," she said weakly. She was still feeling responsible about their fight the day before, but the look on Seth's face told her that no verbal apology was going to be needed. And that made Marissa smile a little more.

Summer, still feeling horrible, spoke once again, "Well… I don't know what happens next, but I _do_ know Coop, that none of us will give up on you _ever_ again.

Marissa looked to either side of her to her friends' faces. Amidst the tears, pain and anger towards Trey, was the glimmer of some invisible and unbreakable bond that had just strengthened in ten short minutes.

Nevertheless, it wasn't long before Marissa began looking to the ceiling and the look of hope soon turned to fear and paranoia on her face. Seth and Summer were silently thinking the same thing.

What _was_ going on upstairs between the one who'd betrayed them all, and the one whose shoulder's now carried the weight of this traumatic and terrible night?

**

* * *

**

"I should never have let you out of that fucking jail cell," Ryan said bitterly after a time. He remembered back to that day, not very long ago, but a day that was so far at the back of his mind that it now felt like a decade. He'd seen him emerge from the prison and suddenly all that anger and resistance seemed to melt away. He'd felt compelled to forgive him after all the years of hardship. But now … after what he'd done…. at the mere _thought!_ The emotion was at breaking point. The agony was indescribable. Trey had hurt the girl he loved and cared for so dearly in the most unimaginable way. He had betrayed him; lied to him; hurt him, and Ryan knew at once, by standing in this room; watching Trey's glazed eyes, that there would be no forgiveness this time. Nothing could be said and nothing could be done to remove the seeping wound that had been made in his body. "I shouldn't have let Sandy take you with us and none of this would have ever happened."

Another more powerful shoot of anger stabbed through Trey and at last he raised his voice, "Fuck it Ryan! This town has turned you into a whinging man-bitch." he shrugged and scoffed, "You know you think you're all good and perfect. You've always had the easier way."

Ryan shook his head, "You have no idea what you're fucking talking about! You think I had it easier for sixteen years when our Mom was getting smashed every morning before nine? You think it's easier that I made a seventeen-year-old girl who I didn't even love pregnant?" he was furious at Trey for being so naiive

Trey was properly yelling now, his temper completely breeched, "You have _never_ had to go through the type of shit I've had to go through! My _whole_ life, I've had to put up with you being the "Promising One" and me being stuck with the "Screwed-up One". I was Mom's _mistake!_ She told me so for Christ's sake! _Always_ I've been compared to you!" he paused for a second to catch his breath before he went on, "How the hell do you think I felt when I heard you'd moved to snobville while I was stuck in a cell for a crime we _both_ committed?"

"And then you had a second chance Trey!" Ryan shouted back, more desperately, "You had a chance to put all that shit about Mom and prison behind you! There was no reason why you couldn't have had when I got."

**

* * *

**

Ryan and Trey's verbal argument was flooding down the staircase and every word could be heard clearly. The three of them were getting considerably unnerved, particularly Marissa. The sound of Trey's voice made her bones grind against each other, and the thought of Ryan enduring all of this because of what she'd told him made her feel all the more worse. Despite her choking fear, all she wanted to do was run upstairs and take Ryan out of there.

She looked wildly at Summer and Seth, "I think we should go up there and break it up," she said petrified.

Seth and Summer looked at each and remembered Ryan's severe plea to keep Marissa away.

Summer pulled Marissa back, who'd begun to stand up, "No Coop… Ryan said not to go up there remember?" she said it as gently as she could, but her anxiety was evident. When Marissa looked at her urgently, she turned to Seth for help.

Seth rubbed Marissa's back soothingly, "It's okay Marissa," he said, "Ryan's going to be okay. We just have to trust him."

Marissa was still objective, but finally relented and sat back into the couch with a relieved Seth and Summer. She tried to assure herself that she wasn't going to have to go up there and face Trey again… but something inside was telling her that things were about to go very wrong…

**

* * *

**

"No Ryan, I _didn't _get the same chance that you did," Trey replied furiously "The moment I stepped into this town everyone knew who I was, where I'd been, what I'd done. No one was giving me chances."

Trey's statement angered Ryan more than anything he'd said so far. He could hardly believe he'd actually just said that! "That's a load of pure bullshit Trey and you know it! You got twice as many chances than I did when I first came here! We were _all_ trying to help you! …And you," the emotion caught him off-guard and he had to swallow back and he spoke the next words quietly and venomously, "you threw that all away."

Trey stopped and closed his mouth briefly before he said pathetically, "Well everyone was trying _too_ hard with me. I can't stand being smothered by everyone." Then he regained some strength in his words when he thought of what next to say, "you never gave me a single second to try and make it on my own!"

"I did for two days and look what you did!" Ryan bellowed, his anger and heart-wrench combined was purely blinding.

**

* * *

**

Marissa was beginning to wonder why it had suddenly gone quiet again, until Ryan's words pierced through the walls and her heart gave a sickening jolt. Immediately, tears sprang to her eyes and she began to quiver again.

On cue, Seth and Summer comforted her. "It's okay Coop," Summer whispered, though even _she_ had to admit to herself that she had a bad vibe about what was to come…

**

* * *

**

Trey remained silent for an extended moment. His eyes were immediately washed over with guilt and sadness. Ryan saw he was thinking of something to defend himself with, though both knew it would be too little, too late.

Finally Trey raised his head, "I wasn't myself that night Ryan. I was drunk and stoned. I wasn't in my right mind."

Ryan was ready for him, "Trey you've been drunk and stoned most of your life." His voice was once again low and menacing. "Don't lie to my face and tell me you didn't have feelings for Marissa. Don't think I hadn't noticed it over the past few weeks."

"Ryan, don't say that, because it's not true."

"And you thought she felt the same way, didn't you?"

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"So when I told you I was going away for the weekend; when Marissa showed up at your apartment, you thought she meant something different."

"You don't get it, Ryan, do you?"

"I get it perfectly," he said dangerously, "And now that you do too, stop lying to me."

Finally, seeing this was going nowhere in his favour, Trey relented, "Yeah okay! I had feelings for her!" he paused then added, "And I thought she had feelings for me too."

Ryan drew his eye contact away from Trey and nodded, biting his lip furiously. His eyes were poisoning. "And she didn't make that clear enough when you raped her?" The words were almost beyond endurance to mutter.

"I wasn't myself!" Trey exclaimed once again, his eyes riddled with fury, "I can't tell you…" he steadied himself as he began to yell and hyperventilate, "how _sorry_ I am! I _never_ meant to hurt her!"

"Hurt her?" Ryan fired, "YOU _DESTROYED _HER!" he couldn't help but release some of his tears.

**

* * *

**

At once, Summer and Seth bristled and gulped, while Marissa broke down in tears. Ryan's words were the only they heard, but the emotion in his voice was utterly heartbreaking.

Marissa didn't know how much more of this she could handle…

**

* * *

**

"_If it wasn't for you, Marissa wouldn't have spent the last week locked in her house slashing her wrists out with a fucking razor blade! If it wasn't for you, she wouldn't have been standing here with a gun pointed at her head like she was half an hour ago."_

**

* * *

**

Summer and Seth turned to Marissa. Their faces were mortified. Even Seth looked as if there were tears welling in his eyes and Summer resumed her heavy sobs.

"You _WHAT!"_ she screamed.

Marissa looked at them wildly, at first lost for words. The speech was stuck in her throat and she momentarily forgot to breathe.

**

* * *

**

"_I'M SORRY_!" Trey blasted. _"W_hat else is there that I can say other than I am_ so fucking sorry!"_

Both brothers went silent as they attempted to absorb everything. Then Ryan regained himself again and went quiet, "I'm sorry too," he uttered through his tense throat, "Sorry that I ever let you back in my life. Sorry that I thought things could be different," he hesitated and relieved some of the pain from his eyes, "Sorry that I was stupid enough to let you attack the person who I care about and love more than anyone."

And at that, Ryan snapped at shot his fist into Trey's jaw, catching him unawares. Trey's immediate response was very much the same. He grabbed Ryan by the hair and slammed his fist at the top of his head. Ryan recovered almost instantly from the sharp pain and dove his entire strength into Trey's waist, hurdling his brother to the ground. While he had his chance he kicked him in the ribs two, three, then five times. His voice was livid with rage and he kept at Trey, doing what ever he could to give him pain.

At first Trey was unable to fight back, until he caught Ryan's striking leg with his muscular arms. He twisted the leg so Ryan's entire body came tumbling hard to the floor. Ryan snapped his head against the ground and he was plagued by instant dizziness, then nausea as Trey smashed both his fists repeatedly into his torso. At last, Ryan managed to get his leg set up under Trey's chest, and with all his strength kicked him off. Trey went flying across the room and crashed into the small stainless steal shelf that held Marissa's random bits and pieces. The shelf and its ornaments collapsed in pieces as Trey's entire body impacted hard into the wall.

**

* * *

**

Hysteria was beginning to overwhelm Marissa as she agonisingly endured the sickening sounds of Ryan and Trey's violent brawl. Seething growls, fist-blows, the sounds of smashing glass were sending her mad. Her heart raced vigorously for Ryan, whom she feared for. She couldn't handle it, knowing that by and large this was because of her telling him the truth. She couldn't help but feel responsible.

She leapt off the couch to make a run for upstairs, when Seth caught her and stopped her.

"Marissa, _don't_ go up there!" he didn't want her to get hurt, let alone he didn't want her to have to see Trey again.

Marissa heaved uncontrollably, and found she couldn't sit down, as she was forced to stand back and listen to the situation that was unfolding upstairs…

**

* * *

**

At once, Trey leapt up from his landing place by the destroyed shelves and bucked for Ryan once again. More anger and hatred fulfilled him now than it ever had, and he was sent in a blinding fit of rage. Despite Ryan's efforts to ward him off through his punches, Trey bowled him over and he landed hard on his back. Ryan was winded terribly and wheezed while Trey resumed smashing his fists into his face. The pain was never-ending for Ryan. Blow after blow met him unforgivingly in the face and Ryan soon began to feel himself fading in and out of consciousness.

Now more enraged than ever, and confident Ryan was too weak to respond quickly enough, Trey blindly crawled to Marissa's bedside table and grabbed her telephone by one hand. He ripped the cord out of its socket and carried it back to an almost completely limp Ryan.

Ryan was still aware but had not the strength to fight back. His face burnt, his breath was severed by the aching of his winded back, his stomach swelled with engorging nausea. He wanted to fight back but could hardly open his eyes. Then, without warning, he felt Trey take a tuft of his sandy-blonde hair. The next thing he felt was unbelievable. Something squarish and hard slammed across his face, knocking him senseless. The pain was phenomenal and now he was completely at Trey's advantage.

But Trey wasn't done with his brother yet.

The room went silent, as it hadn't been for some time. Ryan received no more punches and his consciousness began to strengthen once again. The pain, though still great, was slightly receding and soon he thought he'd have the energy to open his eyes. His breathing became freer, the nausea was healing. But as his eyes still remained shut, he couldn't help but ponder over the fact that it was now eerily quiet. Had Trey left? When he would open his eyes, would he find an empty room?

**

* * *

**

Marissa breathed heavily through her tears. Something wasn't right. The fighting, the yelling, the smashing had stopped. It was now silent. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing. She looked over at Summer and Seth whose faces bore much the same worry.

"What happened?" Marissa choked. "Why has it gone so quiet?"

**

* * *

**

Strength now restored, Ryan began budging and forcing himself up from the ground. He opened his eyes, and after the dizziness parted he looked up, expecting to not see Trey.

But he _was _there.

Ryan's heart suddenly skipped a beat. Trey stood there above him. He had found the gun that Marissa had almost used on herself. But now it sat in Trey's hand pointing directly at Ryan. His eyes turned wild, and he became breathless. Trey looked ruthless and completely mad.

"You're going to shoot me?" Ryan wheezed. "Is that how this ends?"

As if in response, Trey without speaking pulled the trigger and that dreadful, deafening noise exploded from the tube.

The next second, hot, blinding pain irrupted from Ryan's shoulder. He yelled at the burning sensation that devoured his senses. He could feel the bullet diving deeper and deeper in to his arm. He could already feel the blood boiling and spilling out of the wound.

**

* * *

**

The silence was suddenly broken. Marissa screamed as the thundering shriek of the gun penetrated through the house. That was it! She couldn't take this anymore!

"_Ryan!"_ she screamed. Even Seth and Summer were too shocked and too terrified to hold Marissa back, and their late reactions proved hopeless. In an instant Marissa was bounding up the stairs, tears hazing her vision, her heart thumping with fear, but her determination overpowering all opposing forces.

She completed the trek up the staircase and ran into her bedroom. She was met with a terrifying sight. Ryan's shoulder seeped with scarlet blood, his face was brutally bashed and bruised, but still Trey was on top of him, firing relentless blows at his body, the gun still clasped in his right hand.

The image briefly presented Marissa with an undeniable parallel to the night he'd been on top of _her,_ and momentarily she was paralysed. But the will to get him on top of Ryan, who was well and truly defeated, gave her the courage she needed.

"_Trey! Get off him!"_ she screamed. But he was so heavily focussed on attacking Ryan that he did not hear her desperate plea.

"_Stop it! You're killing him!" _and before she realised what she was doing, she raced over behind Trey and started pulling at his shoulders in an effort to get him away from Ryan. She smacked her hands against his back, screaming and pleading. _"Please get off!"_

Then without warning, Trey finally noticed someone's smashing hands at his back. He got up and turned around so quickly, trying to urge off the annoying smacks, that his hand that held the pistol lunged and swiped across Marissa's face.

It was at a force so powerful that Marissa was sent twisting nearly off her feet. She yelped in excruciation as piercing pain hammered at the right of her forehead. Her head was spinning.

Finally realising who Trey had struck, he totally froze and looked at Marissa with absolute fear and astonishment. He was completely stunned and remained silent, despite his lungs pumping some much needed air.

Marissa looked back at Trey with the same terror possessing her as it had all this passed week. Tears bled from her eyes and she held her hand up to her throbbing forehead. When she drew her fingers down they were covered in her own blood, and she was then aware of it leaking down the side of her face.

Ryan meanwhile was, for the second time in as many minutes, discovering consciousness. His shoulder felt as if it was ready to fall off, and was nearly enough to drown out the additional agony he felt all over his body. But the adrenaline was sped up when he heard the familiar sobbing of Marissa in his ears. He opened his eyes at once and saw her. She bore now a deep gash across the right side of her forehead. The scratches on her wrists also dominated his vision.

Fighting against the protesting pain, he sat up, not taking his eyes of Marissa. Marissa noticed him too, and they exchanged terrified glances. And then his heart leapt to his mouth when he saw where Trey now pointed the gun…

Trey's eyes were wild with bewilderment. He was completely lost of what to do. Surrounding him now were the two people he had hurt and betrayed the most. His rage was now completely expired and he now panicked over what he had just done. Once again! He had done it again! He'd descended into a fit and hurt people he cared for! What had he done! He then noticed the two extra figures of Seth and Summer standing at the doorway, staring in utter horror.

So lost in his hysteria he hardly noticed he was pointing the gun at Marissa's chest.

"Trey," Ryan said very slowly and quietly, despite the agony that consumed his body, "put the gun down man."

Marissa was crying silently and breathing hard. She was quivering like a dead leaf in the wind as Trey still held the gun to her.

Trey looked at the gun and then to Marissa, his eyes blazing. Then he looked back at Ryan. "I'm not going to shoot her Ryan! I would never want to do that!" He too now was shaking.

Ryan nodded, again each movement steady, "I know that Trey, I know," he struggled against the pain in his shoulder, "so put the gun down and nobody else has to get hurt."

Trey was still shaking, and didn't seem to completely register Ryan's words, "What have I done man!" he whimpered when he saw the wound he had made in his brother's shoulder, "Oh shit! Was that me?"

Ryan nodded slowly, "Yeah, Trey. That was you."

"Oh fuck! Son-of-bitch _no!"_ Trey began to rattle off in blurry sentences. His eyes filled with tears. Ryan had never seen his brother cry before, "Oh shit man! I'm sorry! I-I…" he was completely consumed with fear. "What can I do? Oh fuck man! Tell me what I should do!"

"Well first you have to put to the gun down," Ryan replied nervously. He had never seen his brother so totally out of his mind.

Even now though, Trey didn't seem to be able to respond to the instruction, "I've fucked it so bad Ryan! I came here to make things right, and I've gone and screwed it… _again!"_ he began crying gutfully, then he turned his eyes back to Marissa, who was still frozen, "I'm so sorry Marissa! I didn't mean for things to go this far… didn't mean to hurt you!"

Ryan's heart began to beat more rapidly than it had all night. He had to stay calm. Seth and Summer watched on in silent paralysis.

"She knows, man. And yeah, things are pretty complicated right now, but now we're all going to have to try and recover from this together." Ryan looked at Marissa's deathly pale face, "But we can't do that Trey unless you put… the gun… _down."_

But to Ryan's dismay Trey shook his head and mumbled through his tears, "No man I do that… _we _can't do that! I've done too much to hurt everyone. Things can never be right."

"Yes they can Trey," Ryan tried again soothingly.

"No they can't!" And at that Trey finally ceased pointing the gun at Marissa's chest and drew it instead against his own head.

There was a simultaneous gasp from all four onlookers. Summer and Marissa's eyes spurted with more tears, Seth's face went from a white to a sickly green, and Ryan's once burning, paining shoulder went utterly numb.

"Come on man," he attempted, "you don't want to do that!"

"Yes I do!" Trey exclaimed. "It's better this way Ryan. Without me, you and Marissa can put everything behind you. All I ever do is fuck things up for you and I don't want to do that anymore."

Ryan didn't know what to do. What could he say! He looked to Marissa's petrified face for answers, but she was completely blank.

"Trey… what you did can never be reversed. Not now… not ever. But there are ways we can work something out. Anything is better than ending it like this!"

For moments upon moments no one said a word. The only sound escaping anyone's mouth were wrenching sobs. No one moved. And for a fleeting moment, it seemed the silence was therapeutic and that Trey was not yet giving in.

But he tricked them all.

He shook his head and sobbed, "Sorry Ryan. I can't."

And before anyone could say another word, he closed his eyes, pressed the gun harder into his head, pulled the trigger and following the second thunderous explosion for that night, Trey dropped dead right in front of them.

**Another long chapter! Sorry! Haha! I honestly didn't think this chapter would be that long! But I proved myself wrong! Lol! I have to say, that I've always been a fan of the whole Ryan-being-hit-by-the-telephone- thing… and yet Marissa shot that gun just a wee too early! Lol! I know I'm kind of evil… considering Ryan is my favourite character… but there you go! So that's why I included the actual use of the telephone in this chapter! HAHA! Sorry once again for the delay in and update and the length, but all the same I hope you enjoyed it and are excited for what is to come! Till next time, Hannah.**


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